


If Only In My Dreams

by landers86



Category: Rammstein
Genre: Alternate Universe, Developing Relationship, Falling In Love, Fluff, M/M, Sexual Content, Slow Build, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-05 22:18:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 43,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12803586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/landers86/pseuds/landers86
Summary: A Paul/Richard AU Christmas fic. Richard is experiencing hard times as the holidays approach. Can Paul help him to find happiness in time for Christmas?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic ever written and posted on here so I know it may not be that good and sorry for any mistakes. This is an AU fic set in the mid 90s, so imagine the guys all around age 30. The title comes from my favorite Christmas song 'I'll be home for Christmas'.  
> There will probably be about 12 chapters by the time it's finished.

November had just begun and temperatures were beginning to drop to just above freezing, though snow had yet to hit the streets of Berlin. Most days had just been dreary with rain. Paul walked along the sidewalk with his hands buried in the pockets of his grey coat and the hat of it over his head as he curled himself tightly into the coat, trying to stay warm. His apartment was only a couple blocks from where he worked so he thought it silly not to walk there. A new coffee shop just opened in town and he had been stopping there every morning for the last week since it's opening. He neared closer and began to smell the scents of the coffee and breakfast in which the place served. He looked up as he turned to walk through the door and saw the sign that read, 'Riedel's Kleines Cafe, Willkommen'. He took a seat at his usual booth and removed his hat to reveal his disheveled bleach blonde hair and his bright eyes and smile as his friend and owner of the shop approached and greeted him. 

"Your usual, Paul?"

"You know it! Oh that's cool Oli, your cafe has been open long enough for me to have a usual now!" 

"Oh yeah, that is kinda cool. I'll be back soon with your order then." Oli said as he walked away.

Paul sat in his favorite spot next to the window so he could watch all his fellow Berliners walk by. Some of them he recognized as they took the same path to their jobs every morning, though some days he would spot new faces also. Just as he started to turn his head away, someone outside caught his eye. He noticed right away this man was tall and handsome, wearing a long black coat over his black trousers along with black boots also. His brown hair with faint blonde highlights was cut short but looked as though it was starting to grow out in the front as part of it hung low over his forehead nearly covering his eye. The man looked over at him and caught Paul's gaze. Paul wanted to look away but for some reason he couldn't as he stared back into this man's beautiful blue green eyes. The man then looked away and kept walking and Paul wondered if the other man had really smiled at him right before he looked away or if he had just imagined it. Considering Paul's recent luck with good looking men, he had probably just imagined it, he thought. Just then, he heard the door behind him open and a few seconds later the handsome man in the long black coat brushed by his table and sat at one of the tables diagonal from his, the man's side facing Paul. He began to look at one of the menus which were kept on the table and then Oli approached him and took his order. Paul could barely hear his voice over the distance between them but it sounded as though he had ordered a coffee, black, and a breakfast roll with sausage and cheese. Paul watched him until Oli walked away and then looked down when he realized he was staring too long. Just then it felt as though the man was staring at him so he looked up and saw he was correct. The man gave him a little smile, one side of his lips just barely curling up, so in return Paul gave him one of his big and bright smiles where his eyes would light up and wrinkles would fan out along the edges of them. The other man was taken aback by the smaller man's face. He had never seen a smile so beautiful, he thought, so instinctively his smile grew wider, even showing some teeth and Paul watched the man become even better looking as he smiled like that. Oli brought Paul and then the other man's orders. Paul's was his coffee made in the special way he liked it along with some toast and an egg, sunnyside up. Both men ate in silence, stealing a glance from each other every so often but trying not to awkwardly stare anymore. The other man finished his breakfast and paid his bill at the register and then walked towards the door, smiling at Paul once more before he left the shop, which left Paul wanting to know more about him.

Paul went up to pay his bill and asked Oli if he'd ever seen the man around before to which Oli replied, "No, but I noticed you staring at  
him, you interested in him or something?" 

Paul blushed, "Oh I don't even know him, but he was pretty good looking wasn't he?" 

"He was alright." Paul then tilted his head at him and smiled. 

"Ok Paul, he was obviously good looking. If you see him in here again tomorrow, say something to him. Get his number."

"His number? Already?" I don't even know his name or if he's even gay or know anything else about him. 

"Well then that will give you guys something to talk about when you see him again." 

"If I even do see him again, that is. He might not even come in here again" Paul said sounding disappointed. 

"So what, you think he didn't like my food and coffee enough to wanna come back?" Oli joked with him. "I think if the way he was staring and smiling at you means anything, he'll most likely be back again." Paul smirked at him and then said he had to head to work and the two men said their goodbyes. 

Paul entered the candy shop where he worked and saw his coworker and friend Flake was already there behind the counter, ready to get the workday started. "You look awfully smiley and cheerful this morning," Flake exclaimed. 

"I always look this way, you should know that by now."

"Yeah but something's different today, you look extra happy." 

Paul sighed, "Well I did just see this cute guy in Oli's cafe this morning." 

"You met a cute guy?" Flake said as he jumped up slightly. 

"I didn't talk to him. I just sort of stared and smiled at him," Paul said as he laughed.

"Did he smile back?"

"Yeah, actually he did" he answered blushing. 

"Say something to him if you see him again tomorrow. It's about time you meet someone you like!" 

"Okay Oli!" Paul joked with Flake. 

"You haven't been in a serious relationship in a while or even met anyone you like recently. We all just want you to be happy Paulie." 

"But I'm always happy!" 

"I mean like really happy Paul, like truly happy deep down inside, not just the facade that you put on outwardly." 

"I am truly happy! I've got this job, a nice apartment, great friends, what more could I need in my life?" 

"A man!" Flake exclaimed as they both laughed. 

"Oh Flake, you just want me to find someone because you and Till are all happy and in love so now you think everyone needs to be all lovey dovey and romantic with someone. Some people are okay with being single you know." 

"Do you like being single Paul?" Flake asked and Paul just sighed again and replied, "I gotta get to work now," and he  
walked past Flake to the back area of the store, behind the counter.

The next morning, Paul entered Riedel's Kleines Cafe once more and took his seat in the same booth, removed his hat and gloves and immediately he began watching out the window, hoping he would see the same man once again. After a few moments with no luck, he soon felt someone's gaze on him so he looked away from the window and there sat the beautiful man he knew nothing about, staring at him. Paul felt butterflies in his stomach as Oli approached to take his order. 

"Look who showed up today! And before you even! He probably wanted to make sure he would have a chance to see you again, so he got here extra early."

Paul shushed Oli, "He's gonna hear you!"

"So! You're gonna say something to him anyways, aren't you?" 

"I can't, I get butterflies every time I even look at him. I need some more time to build up the nerve." 

"Well, you better build up that nerve quick cause if you don't, I'll have to say something to him for you. The holidays are fast  
approaching and we've all got someone but you. We don't want you to be alone again this year." 

"I know, I know! I'm workin on it, just please don't embarrass me Oli!" Oli laughed and walked away to start Paul's order. 

The next few days passed with both men coming into the coffee shop each day and continuing to exchange glances but neither of them had spoken one word to each other. That is until the end of the week when the other man walked by Paul's table as he was leaving and said 'guten morgen' to him and Paul said 'guten morgen' in return. That was all they said but it made Paul very excited that the man had finally acknowledged him with words. He then decided that when the next week came, he was finally going to make his move.


	2. Chapter 2

Monday morning had arrived, which usually wasn't a good thing to Paul, but this morning was different as he had plans to strike up a conversation with the man he had developed a crush on. It was all he could think of over the weekend and he hoped that all would go well. He entered the cafe and before he even sat down, began eyeing the place for the other man but unfortunately he hadn't yet arrived. Oli took Paul's order and then he sat there anxiously as he waited for his coffee and toast, afraid that maybe he wouldn't show, but just as he sat there worried over his thoughts, the man entered, brushed by his table and took his usual seat. After Oli took the other man's order and walked away, they both began exchanging their daily glances again so Paul just decided to end the awkward tension between them and got up and walked over to the man's table and approached him by saying, "Hallo! May I join you?" 

"Sure, go ahead!" The other man said as he motioned for Paul to sit across from him. 

Paul spoke nervously,"It can get kinda boring sitting in here by myself sometimes so I thought I would come over here and strike up a conversation with you, you know, maybe make a new friend today." 

"Oh, so there was nothin special about me that made you wanna come over here and talk to me, you just felt like making a friend today?" the man joked as he smiled. 

"Well I never said that!" Paul blushed and smiled back.

Oli then came out behind the counter carrying Paul's order and looked at Paul's table, confused when he saw he wasn't there. He then glanced over towards the other man's table and saw them sitting there together and had to bite his lip to stop himself from grinning. He sat Paul's coffee and toast in front of him and told the other man his order would be done in a moment. The man nodded and Oli walked away, still trying not to smile as he gave Paul a quick glance over his shoulder and raised his eyebrow at him. Paul looked down until Oli was out of sight, also trying to hide his excitement. 

"So anyways, I'm Richard Kruspe. It's very nice to meet you," Richard said as he held out his hand for Paul to shake. 

"I'm Paul Landers. Very nice to meet you also," Paul said as he took Richard's hand. He could feel that the other man's hand was warm and his grip was strong. Paul frowned inside when he had to let go. 

"So what kind of coffee do you got there?" Richard asked, "I noticed the waiter never has to ask you how you want it. You have it the same way everyday?" 

"Yeah, he makes it exactly the way I like it. It's just perfect!" Paul exclaimed happily.

"Oh? How's he make it?" Richard asked, wondering how a coffee could be called perfect, after all it was just a drink, nothing exciting about it. 

"Well you see," Paul piped up in reply, "It's almost like a mixture of capuccino and milk coffee. Milk coffee is too weak and capuccino is too strong, so he makes it so that it tastes like a strong milk coffee or a weaker capuccino with milk. Richard smiled at how cute he thought the smaller man was for how he could talk about something as simple as coffee with such enthusiasm. 

"So," Paul continued, "where are you on your way to every morning as you stop in here?" 

"The University for the Arts, the one that's just a couple blocks from here and around the corner." 

"Oh really? My friend Till takes some writing classes there. Till Lindemann, you know him? What do you study there?" 

"I don't believe I know anyone by that name but maybe I've seen him around. And actually I'm a professor there." 

"Oh really?" Paul asked as his face lit up, interested at the fact that Richard was a teacher and not a student as he had quickly  
assumed. "What do you teach?" 

"Art, or more specifically drawing, painting and mixed media."

"Wow! All that?" Paul said with even more interest in his voice.

"Yep! Six classes a day." 

"You must be talented to be able to do all that! You do all that too, right? I mean besides just teaching it." 

"Yes, I like creating all kinds of art, quite often actually, but I think I enjoy teaching it even more. Helping people learn to love something the way I do and to watch them become proud of their work, it's very rewarding." 

"That's sounds really nice," Paul said as he sat there admiring Richard. 

"So do you work around here also?" Richard asked. 

"Yeah but it's not as fancy of a job as yours is," Paul answered shyly as Richard smiled at him.,"I work in a candy store that's just down the street from here. It's called 'Hiersche's Candies', you ever heard of it?"

"Oh yeah, I have actually!" Richard replied enthusiastically. "I've walked by there before but I've never went in. I'm not a huge fan of candy, though I do find chocolate covered cherries quite good. Haven't had em in a while though. You like it there?" Richard asked but Paul didn't answer right away. He was distracted by an image he had in his head of feeding Richard chocolate covered cherries.

"Paul," Richard asked once more snapping Paul out of his thoughts, "Do you like it there, at the the candy store?"

"It's alright," Paul sighed.,"I'm actually more into music than selling candy but hey, it pays the bills. Maybe you should stop in there sometime and I can give you a special deal on some chocolate covered cherries." 

"Sure, I'll have to do that sometime. So what do you do there, do you work the register or something?" 

"Um no, I actually make the candy," Paul said feeling embarrassed at the fact that he made candy while the other man probably made amazing works of art. 

"Oh that sounds cool!" Richard exclaimed wondering why Paul seemed shy about telling him that,"I think it'd be cool anyways," he added trying to make the smaller man feel better about what he did. "I'll definately have to stop in there soon!" Paul smiled one of his big and bright smiles again as Oli finally brought Richard's food and drink and then they continued their conversation.

Paul looked out the window and said, "So I noticed as I was walking here today that some stores are already putting out their Christmas decorations. I love this time of year! Exchanging gifts, decorating, good food, snow. Oh and I can't forget getting together with loved ones, I'd just be selfish if I didn't mention that! You got any special plans for the holidays?" 

Richard's smile disappeared at that question, "I'm not really into Christmas." 

"Not into Christmas!" Paul said shocked, "What are you, some kind of Scrooge or somethin?" he laughed. 

"Oh it's a long story. Probably shouldn't get into it today,"

"I've got time, tell me. That is if you want to, I'm not gonna force you to tell me anything you don't want to, I know we've only just met." Paul said as he nervously laughed again.

"Okay," Richard sighed, "I guess if we plan on becoming friends I might as well just tell you now and get it over with so you won't have to keep wondering." Paul sat and watched Richard, deeply interested in what story the other man was about to tell as Richard then took a deep breath and began.

"Well about 15 years ago, on Christmas Eve, I was at home watching my younger brother and sister while our parents were out shopping for our Christmas presents. On their way home they were in an accident. They didn't make it." 

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry Richard! I shouldn't have brought it up. I'm so sorry I called you a scrooge! I totally get you not wanting to celebrate Christmas." 

"It's fine Paul, you didn't know!" Richard said smiling at Paul's sad expression, looking as though he felt bad for him. 

"Well what about your siblings? Do they celebrate the holidays?" 

"Um, well actually after our parents died we were sent to a foster home. A nice family came along and wanted to adopt my siblings but because they wanted young children and not a teenager, I had to keep living at the foster home til I was 18, while my siblings and the family that adopted them moved away to the United States. I think that's where the dad of the family was from or so I heard. I've actually talked to a few people who have seen them since and apparently I've got a couple nieces now, one from each sibling I guess. It wasn't all bad though!" he told Paul as he noticed an even sadder expression on his face, "The foster family I lived with sent me to a good art school and that's where I studied art and then teaching. And look at me now, I'm Richard Z. Kruspe, professor of the arts at a prestigious university!" he said, laughing slightly.

"Richard! How can you laugh at all this? That's so terrible, everything you went through. I'm so sorry!" 

"It's fine Paul! You gotta understand, all this happened many years ago. I've told this story to people over a dozen times. I'm okay now! Well for the most part at least," he said, yet he didn't seem too confident about that last statement. 

"I'm sorry I brought up the subject of Christmas. Let's talk about something different. So do you live close by here also?" Paul asked and then Richard began to laugh uncontrollably. 

"What's so funny Richard?" 

"You changed the subject because you didn't wanna talk about my depressing life and then you bring that up?" 

Paul looked confused, "What, you don't live in a cardboard box out on the street or something, do you?" 

"No, not a box. I'm currently living at the Hotel Indigo near here. My apartment burned down a couple weeks ago." Richard said as he kept laughing. 

"You're joking, right?" You're just messing with me now cause you know how bad I already feel, so you're just trying to make me laugh?" 

"No I'm not joking Paul," Richard said as his laughter died down, "I'm serious. The insurance company is paying for me to stay at a hotel until I can find a place to rent but I haven't been able to find anything decent yet."

 

"Oh Richard! I don't even know what to say. That seriously sucks! You don't have any close friends you can stay with? Oh no, dont tell me they died in the fire or something!" 

"No, no one was hurt. I got a few friends at the university but I'm not super close with them, not close enough to ask to stay with them anyways." 

"Well if I hear of any good places available, I'll be sure to let you know, okay?"

"Okay Paul, thanks. I appreciate it. And don't feel bad about all this. You didn't cause any of it. How about we talk more about you? So do you have many friends around here?" 

"Just a few....good ones though. The waiter, Oli, is one of my good friends. He actually owns this place too, did you know that?" 

"No I didn't realize that, that's cool!" 

"And then there's Flake, he's been my friend the longest. He works with me at the candy store. He's actually dating Till, the one I mentioned earlier that takes classes at the college. And then I have another good friend, Christoph Schneider, or just Schneider as we like to call him. He's away right now in the army though. He's stationed in France. He's been gone for a few months. We really miss him but we're hoping he'll get to come home for Christmas. We're not sure if he'll be able to though. We actually just heard from him the other day and he said he still hasn't gotten the word yet on whether they'll let him leave." 

"Well hopefully he'll be able to," Richard said.

"Yeah, he's been missing his family and he's really been missing Oli especially," Paul said as he smiled up at Oli behind the counter. 

"Oli? Why him especially?" Richard asked glancing back at Oli for a moment. 

"Oh, cause Schneider is Oli's boyfriend. I forgot to mention that." 

"Oh. So.....do you have a significant other also?" Richard asked shyly. 

"No. I got out of a bad relationship about a year ago and haven't been able to find any good men since." 

"Oh," was all Richard said as he nodded his head.

"So do have anyone in your life at the moment? Girlfriend or....boyfriend?" Paul asked, hesitating with the last word. 

"Well I'm gay, so I definitely don't have a girlfriend. And unfortunately at the moment, no boyfriend either." 

"Oh," was all Paul could think to say to that also as they finished their coffee in silence for the next several minutes. 

"Well, I gotta get going. Don't wanna make my class wait on me. Especially when I give the students a hard time if they're late," Richard laughed. 

"Yeah, I better get going also." Both men stood and made their way to the register to pay and then turned to exit the cafe. 

"You gentlemen have a great day!" Oli shouted at them as Paul looked over his shoulder and saw Oli smirking at him. He shook his head and smiled at Oli and then him and Richard said their goodbyes outside the door.

"Well, it was really nice meeting you Paul Landers. Will I see you here tomorrow?" Richard asked looking hopeful. 

"Of course, Professor Richard Z. Kruspe!" Paul replied as he smiled and put an emphasis on the Z. 

Richard laughed at him and said, "I'm really looking forward to getting to know you better. See you tomorrow then!" 

"See ya!" Paul said as Richard turned and walked away. Paul stood there for a moment, watching the other man as he went, thinking about that first day he had seen him. He remembered how Richard kept smiling at him and would've never thought the other man had gone through so much in his life, not to mention what he was dealing with presently. He must be really brave, Paul thought, as he turned the other direction and headed to work.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, Richard clumsily got ready for the day. He felt flustered at the thought of seeing and speaking to Paul again. He rushed out the door of the hotel, feeling as though he was forgetting something but when he couldn't think of anything he began his walk to the coffee shop. He walked past the window of the cafe and saw Paul sitting at the booth watching for him out the window. He met Paul's gaze and smiled at him. He walked in and decided to sit at Paul's booth this time. The view from the window was better there. "Guten morgen!" Paul said happily as Richard sat down and told him guten morgen in return. They ordered their breakfast with Oli trying not to smile too much again and then struck up a conversation. It started out casual and then grew deeper as they learned more and more about each other and with each new thing they learned, they became more interested in one another. They finished their food and coffee and even though neither one of them wanted the conversation to end they both realized that unfortunately they had to get to work. They stood up and began reaching for their wallets as they headed towards the register and then Paul noticed Richard begin to fumble with all of his pockets as he shouted "Damn!" 

"What's wrong?" Paul asked confused. 

"I was in a hurry this morning, I must've forgot to grab my wallet. Damn!" he shouted again. 

"That's fine. "I'll get it," Paul said as he pulled some more money out of his wallet. 

"No Paul! You don't have to do that!" 

Paul ignored him and pulled Richard's bill out of his hands and continued walking towards the register. "I want to. It's nothin really, it didn't even cost that much." 

"Paul really, you don't have to!" Paul ignored him again and paid both of their bills. Fortunately it was someone he didn't know at the register. Oli would've definately had a big smirk and maybe even somethin smart to say if he had witnessed Paul paying for another man's breakfast. They turned and walked out the door and then Richard stopped Paul and put his hand on the smaller man's upper arm. "Thanks so much Paul! I really appreciate it and I promise I'll pay you back tomorrow." 

Paul's stomach dropped at the feeling of the other man grabbing his arm as he replied kindly, "You don't need to pay me back. It was nothin, really Reesh." 

"Reesh? My friends used to call me that when I was younger," Richard said as he smiled and let go of Paul's arm. 

"You don't mind if I call you that, do you? We're friends now, aren't we? Just thought it'd be fun to call you by a nickname," Paul said as he smiled shyly. 

"Oh, okay. I guess we are friends now after all. I don't mind, I like it." 

"Really Reesh, you don't mind?" Paul said as he smiled bigger and Richard laughed. 

"No, but I'll have to think of a nickname for you now, and I will have your money tomorrow though, just so you know."

"No Reesh! I don't want your money! If you try to pay me back tomorrow, I won't accept it. I might even stop talking to you!" Paul joked, knowing inside that he wasn't actually serious about that last part as he noticed Richard's pretend frown. "Well maybe I'll keep talking to you but I'll never call you Reesh again!" Paul exclaimed with a straight face as he crossed his arms and Richard laughed. 

"Okay, okay!" Richard pleaded. "I won't give you money then. I guess I'll just have to find some other way to repay you." 

Paul then tried to hide a smile as he uncrossed his arms and shrugged and said, "Well whatever, but I don't need anything. I gotta head to work now. See ya tomorrow?" he asked. 

"Yep, see ya tomorrow!" Richard replied. They smiled at each other one last time and then went their seperate ways. As Richard walked to work, he tried to think of a way he could repay Paul for his kindness. He thought of how the other man made him laugh often and made him look foward to waking up each day. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt this way about anyone. Paul was his type too; funny, talkative, high spirited. The complete opposite of himself. He liked that about him though. He got bored with men who were too similar to him. He kept smiling all the way to the school as thoughts of Paul stayed on his mind all the way there and throughout the rest of his workday, and even when he went to bed that night, the other man was still on his mind.

 

\-----------------------

 

They spent the rest of that week and the next sitting in the cafe and talking to one another about anything and everything that came to mind. Then finally at the end of the next week, Richard had thought of something nice he could do for Paul, so he decided to present the idea to him. "So, Paulchen," Richard began. 

"Paulchen, really?" Paul asked as he laughed at Richard's new nickname for him. 

"Yep, that's what I'm calling you from now on whether you like it or not!" he crossed his arms and gave Paul a serious look, mocking him. 

Paul just laughed and said "I like it! Now what were you starting to say?" 

"Well I thought of a way to repay you finally." 

"Seriously Reesh, you still haven't forgotten about that? I told you I dont want anything!"

"Oh, okay. I guess I won't ask you to go anywhere with me this weekend then if you don't wanna go." 

"What? Where were you gonna ask me to go?" Paul asked excited but Richard said nothing. "Oh come on Reesh, just tell me, I might wanna go!" 

"To the ice skating rink here in town. It's so fun at this time of year!" 

"Ice skating? You like ice skating, really?" Paul asked suprised at the other man's enthusiasm about a winter, holiday type activity. 

"Well yeah, just cause I don't celebrate Christmas that doesn't mean I can't enjoy anything at this time of year. My old friends and I used to go all the time when we were in college. I still go every now and then, actually." 

"So you're probably really good at it then?" Paul asked. 

"I guess. I've had a lot of practice though."

"Oh Reesh, I'd probably be terrible at it. I haven't went ice skating since I was a kid. I'd probably fall like every five seconds."

"Well then I'll pick you up every five seconds, okay? It does take practice but you'll love it once you get the hang of it." 

Paul blushed and replied, "I guess it could be kinda fun....maybe. You won't laugh too much if I fall, will you?" 

"I'll only laugh a little and only if you laugh first, how's that sound?" 

"Okay, I'll go," Paul sighed, "When did you wanna go?" 

"Tomorrow evening if that's alright with you. Can you meet me there at six?" 

"Sure, that sounds good," Paul replied. 

 

Later that morning as Richard first arrived at the school, a tall, muscular man approached him in the hallway right outside of the door to his classroom. "So, you're Professor Kruspe? I've heard so much about you!" The man exclaimed as he pointed at the name tag on Richard's door.

"And who might you be?" Richard asked the other man. 

"I'm Till, I'm good friends with Paul," and he reached out his hand for Richard to shake.

"Oh, Till Lindemann!" Richard said as he shook Till's hand. "I've heard some things about you too." 

"Only good things I hope?" Till asked.

"Of course, only good! So what has Paul told you about me? Not my whole life story I hope," Richard said, laughing slightly.

"No, not every detail," Till answered, "But he did say you've been through a lot in your life and that he thinks you're very brave." 

"He said that, really?" Richard's eyes lit up and he felt butterflies in his stomach at how sweet Paul could be. 

"Yes, he did," Till answered,", and he also said you're very talented at many forms of art." 

Richard laughed, "Ha! He's never even seen any of my art! But I guess he was just being kind." 

"It sounds like he's putting you up on a pedestal. He talks about you all the time," Till said as Richard blushed at his words. 

"You usually eat lunch here?" Till asked. 

"Yeah, why?"

"Maybe you should go pay him a little visit at the candy store today. He's said a few times that he wishes you'd come and check the place out sometime," Till suggested. Richard then felt bad that he hadn't stopped in there yet after he told Paul he would. 

"You know what, I think I will do that. I'll suprise him." 

"He'd love that! Till exclaimed, "Well, I better get to my class. It was nice finally meeting you Richard." 

"Nice meeting you too!" Richard said as Till turned to walk away but then he stopped and turned back to him again. 

"Oh yeah, and Paul also said he thinks you're hot. I forgot about that." Till smirked as he walked away and Richard laughed and felt even more butterflies. Did Paul really say that or was Till just being funny, he wondered. He really hoped that it was true. He then entered his classroom and looked at the clock, impatiently waiting for it to be lunchtime.

 

\---------------------

 

Lunchtime had finally arrived and Richard quickly exited the school and headed towards the candy store. It was quite cold out and the walk was a little further than his one to work but seeing Paul was worth it, he thought. He neared the store and looked up to make sure it was in fact the place he thought it was and entered once he saw the 'Heirsche's Candies' sign on the window. He immediately looked towards the counter, searching for Paul but the only person he saw was a tall man with blonde hair and glasses. He assumed that this was most likely Paul's friend Flake. At first he wasn't sure if he should ask the man if he could speak to Paul as he wondered if Paul may have been busy at the moment, so until he could figure out what to do, he began roaming the store, looking at the large variety of candies that the place held. He was in awe at some of the designs and flavors, ones he had never even seen or heard of before. He got a feeling that Paul's job was a lot less simple than he led on. Just then he could see the tall man approaching him from the corner of his eye. "Can I help you with something? Are you looking for anything in particular?" Flake asked him.

"Um yeah, someone actually," Richard said as to which Flake replied "Huh?" as he pushed up his glasses and looked at Richard, confused.

"Is Paul here?" he asked quietly, shy about what Flake would say. 

"Paul? Yeah he's here. Are you a friend of his or something?" 

"Uh, yeah. My name is Richard. We met a few weeks ago." Richard replied, hoping that Paul had told Flake about him too. 

"Oh, Richard!" Flake exclaimed loudly, which got Paul's attention, even at the back of the store. Paul stopped what he was doing and quickly wiped his hands on a towel and walked to the front of the store, anxious to see why he had heard Richard's name. "I've heard so much about you!" Flake continued as Paul walked out to where Richard could see him. Both of their faces lit up once they laid eyes on each other and Flake pointed to Paul and said "Well, there he is!" and then went back behind the counter and took his place at the register. He picked up a magazine and opened it, trying to pretend he was giving them some privacy. 

"Let's go to the back of the store," Paul said as he motioned with his hand for Richard to follow him. Once they arrived at the back, Richard saw a nice, large kitchen and all the candy and other supplies that the room held that he figured Paul must use for making his sweet confections. 

"Wow!" he said, "This place is so cool, the kitchen and out there in the front I mean. I feel like a kid in a candy store, literally!" 

"You really find it that cool Reesh? You don't even like candy that much," he said suprised at Richard's reaction.

"Well I might not love to eat candy that much but I still think all this is sort of fascinating. The way you can take all these seperate little ingredients and make them into perfect little creations like all the ones out there. It amazes me, it's like another form of art really." Richard said as he admired the place and Paul. Paul was touched by Richard's compliments and it seemed to him as though the other man was actually being honest and Richard knew he meant everything he said. 

"You're really talented Paulchen! You're good at designing and cooking. I'm not so good at the latter." Richard laughed.

"Thanks Reesh! That's means a lot coming from you," he said as they both smiled at each other. "So is it your lunch break now?" Paul asked.

"Yeah. I had been meaning to stop by here sometime. I'm really glad I finally did!" Richard exclaimed as his eyes wandered around the kitchen, a bewildered expression upon his face at the all the room and the treats within it entailed. "I met Till this morning. He seems like a really nice guy." 

"Oh really! "Yeah, he is a nice guy and the man you spoke to in the front of the store is his boyfriend, Flake." 

"Oh, was it? He seems like a nice guy too, though I didn't get to talk to him much yet." 

"Oh, I'm sure he'll manage to talk your ear off one of these days if he's given the chance. But for now, what do you say I take my break and we can go have a quick lunch somewhere nearby?" 

"Sure, I'd love to, let's go."

"Oh but wait!" Paul exclaimed, "I wanted to give you these chocolate covered cherries I made for you, in case you ever stopped by." 

Paul handed Richard a slightly large box of chocolates in a lovely package and Richard said "Thanks Paul! I can't wait to try em. How much do I owe you?" 

"It's on the house, and please don't argue with me again. I'm giving them to you and that's final!" Paul laughed. 

"Your boss won't mind?" Richard asked concerned, not wanting to cause any trouble for Paul. 

"I am the boss!" Paul replied. "I own this place, well temporarily anyways." 

"What?" Richard asked with a puzzled look on his face.

"I'll explain while we eat lunch, let's go. You can leave your candy here for now and get it when we come back," Paul said as he removed his apron and grabbed his coat and led Richard out of the store.

They decided to go to a cafe that was only a couple shops down from the candy store. As they waited on their orders, Paul began to explain things to Richard. "Okay so first of all, I was born Heiko Paul Heirsche. You know how I told you I was married to a women when I was younger? Well, I kept her last name, which was Landers, and then also decided to start using Paul as my first name as I have always preferred it over Heiko. My dad opened the candy store when I was a kid and then proceeded to teach me everything I know. That's why it's called 'Heirsche's Candies' and technically it's still owned by him. But several years ago, he got a better job as a buisnessman and him and my mother had to relocate to Russia. I miss them but I still see them sometimes whenever one of us has a chance to visit the other. But anyways, when my dad realized he had to move, he decided to put me in charge of the place. He still thinks there's a chance they might move back here someday but as for now, I'm the temporary owner and manager. I make all the decisions and all the candy," Paul laughed. "Well there are a few people that work there part time also. They help with making the candy and also cleaning and running the register." 

Paul then realized he was prattling on so he stopped talking and looked over at Richard and saw a fascinated look in his eyes as he stared right back into Paul's eyes, deeply. "You amaze me, you realize that Paulchen?" he asked and Paul just blushed and shook his head. 

"Why?" 

"You tried to make it seem like I was the only one with the interesting life but I find you pretty interesting also. And talented! Did I already say that earlier?" Richard laughed. "And good looking. I don't believe I told you that yet, did I?" 

"Um no, you didn't," Paul said shyly, "I think I would've remembered that," he said and laughed quietly. 

The two men soon ate their lunch and then made their way back to Paul's store and went to the back of it again so Richard could get his candy. Richard reached for the box which was on the counter and then looked up at the clock and said, "I still got a few minutes. Let me try one of these bad boys." Paul laughed and watched him open the box and take a piece out. These chocolate covered cherries were slightly larger than normal ones so he had to try not to laugh when Richard put the whole thing in his mouth and had trouble chewing the whole bite at first. 

"Mmm, Mmm, oh my god Paul! Oh Paul, it's so good!" Richard mumbled a little loudly with it in his mouth and then swallowed and licked his lips. Paul had to look down and cover his mouth with the back of his hand to keep from laughing out loud but then Richard could see Paul's shoulders shaking as he laughed. "What's so funny?" 

Paul then laughed outloud and said, "Jeez Reesh, it's just candy!" 

"No it's not, they're like little pieces of heaven in a fucking box! Here you want one?" he asked as he took out another piece and put in front of Paul's face. 

Paul said, "Sure," and lifted his hand to take it but then Richard pushed his hand away.

"No, just open your mouth!" Paul looked surpised but then thought if Richard was gonna flirt with him, he might as well flirt back so he opened his mouth and when Richard put it in he took the candy and then snapped his head forward again and sucked the tip of Richard's finger in briefly along with it. Richard gasped as he pulled his finger back and said, "Jeez, why don't you just take my whole finger with it!" 

Richard then got another piece of candy and tried to shove it in Paul's mouth while he was still chewing the first piece. "Come on, eat another one!" he said as they both laughed. "You obviously want more if you're trying to eat my whole finger. Here, eat it!" Richard said as they both kept laughing and pushing each other slightly back and forth as Richard kept trying to shove it in Paul's mouth. Paul gave up and opened his mouth and took the second one and with two in in his mouth and the fact that he was laughing very hard, he could barely chew. Richard looked at Paul and started laughing even harder. "You look like a chipmunk with your cheeks full like that." 

Paul had to turn around and try to stop laughing so he could finish chewing. A few moments later he turned back around then both men managed to calm down. "You know Reesh, you're always saying I'm funny but you can be pretty funny too." 

"You bring it out of me."

"Do I?" 

"Yeah, you bring out my fun side. You lift my spirits." 

"Thanks Reesh, that's nice of you to say," Paul said as he felt his heart beat faster. 

"Don't mention it. Now here," he said as he lifted the whole box of candy and then grabbed Paul by the arm and tried to shove it his face. "Eat the whole box!" he said as they started laughing again and Paul playfully fought back. Paul then took a piece of candy out of the box and threw it towards Richard's face and it hit him in the forehead. Richard's mouth opened wide in shock and Paul then backed up and covered his mouth with the palm of his hand, knowing he was in trouble now. 

Richard put the box down on the counter and then looked at Paul and said, "You did not just start a food fight with me!" Then he grabbed a piece of candy that was on a tray and went to throw it at Paul but missed as the smaller man ran and ducked behind another counter just in time. Paul then quickly popped back up and grabbed some candy off of another tray and started flinging them towards Richard so Richard ducked behind a counter too and threw some back at Paul. Their laughter was a loud and contagious kind of laughter. 

Flake stood behind the counter in the front of the store and could hear their laughter, the shouting of words, and all the other commotion coming from the kitchen as he turned and looked towards the back of the store and then looked back in front of himself, shaking his head as he said to himself, "You asked for this Flake, you encouraged it you idiot!" 

Soon, the noise died down and Paul and Richard cleaned the kitchen up and then they walked out of the store to say goodbye outside the front door. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow evening then at six?" Richard asked.

"Six o'clock!" Paul exclaimed as they smiled at each other. 

"I can't wait!" Richard said. He then started to lean in to kiss Paul goodbye but then he stopped himself when he realized what he was doing. He got nervous and felt as though maybe it was too soon and that it wasn't the right place and time. He also wasn't sure how Paul would react. Even though he could tell Paul liked him by the way he acted and by all the things Till had said and the fact that he accepted his invitation to the the ice rink, he still felt unsure of himself, so he decided to just save the kiss for another day. He backed away and said goodbye to Paul and then turned and began walking away as Paul stood there confused about what had just happened. Richard said all those nice things to him earlier and was obviously flirting with him in the kitchen and then just now it looked as though the other man was about to kiss him, but then he didn't. What stopped him? Paul wondered, or was he just imagining things. He wasn't quite sure so he tried not to worry about it anymore and instead thought about the fact that he would be spending time with him at the ice rink tomorrow. He really hoped that maybe Richard would kiss him then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave me comments. I appreciate any comments, considering that this is the first story I've ever written so I'm curious to know what you guys think of it. I hope my writing isn't too terrible.


	4. Chapter 4

Six o'clock on Saturday had arrived as Paul nervously approached the ice rink to see Richard standing there waiting and smiling at him. There were a good amount of people there, it being a Saturday night along with the fact that it was unusually warm for being an end of November evening, and that made Paul even more apprehensive. "You ready?" Richard asked, sounding excited. 

"No," Paul said and Richard laughed. 

"You'll be okay, I'll be right beside you. Come on, let's put our skates on." Richard helped Paul with his skates and then they stood and Richard took his hand and led him out to the ice. 

At first, things went just fine and Paul seemed to be doing better than he expected. It didn't take him long to get his balance and figure out a rhythm with his skates. "See Paulchen, you're doing great!" 

"I am, aren't I? I guess this isn't as bad as I thought it would be." But then once Paul had barely even finished his sentence, they turned a corner and Paul slipped and almost fell but Richard managed to grab him by the arm and pull him up before he could hit the ice. 

"Woah, that was close!" Richard said, laughing slightly. 

"See Reesh, I shouldn't be doing this. I don't know how to ice skate," Paul said and Richard could tell he was embarrassed. 

"You are skating though and you're doing really good so far, you just haven't had much practice yet. Come on, let's keep going." Paul sighed loudly but continued on, still holding Richard's hand. 

He managed to make it longer this time without falling and he was actually starting to find it kind of fun. Upbeat Christmas music was playing at the rink, the sun had just went down and there were bright red and green lights shining on the ice. Richard's hand held on tight to his as they skated along together, looking ahead half the time but then smiling at each other every so often also. In that moment he was glad he had agreed to meet Richard there. He wondered if this was supposed to be considered a date or not but was too shy to ask Richard so he said nothing on the subject and decided to just enjoy this quality time spent with his new friend and also a man who he was slowly falling for. But just when Paul was starting to feel more confident and happy to be there, he slipped again and this time Richard couldn't grab him soon enough. 

"Oww!" Paul said as he hit the ice, nearly taking the other man with him. Richard pulled Paul up, trying his hardest not to laugh and asked if he was okay. "I'm alright other than the fact that it feels like people are staring at me and probably making fun of me. Even you Reesh! I can tell you're trying not to laugh." 

"I'm not laughing Paulchen. I'm sorry I couldn't catch you in time, I tried," Richard said as he helped Paul dust traces of ice off his pants.

"That's okay. Why don't we just go now though? I'm clearly not gonna get the hang of this today, let's try another day." 

"You really wanna go? I'm having such a good time with you. I don't care how good you are at skating, I just like being here with you." 

"You really mean that Reesh?" Paul asked as he started to grin. 

"Of course I do! Why we don't we just take a little break or something. That stand over there is serving hot cocoa. You wanna go get some?" Paul nodded his head and Richard led him there also, still not letting go of his hand. 

They ordered some cocoa and once they were handed their cups they sat at one of tables nearby to rest their legs and feet and sip their drinks. "We can go after this if you really want to, if you're not having a good time," Richard said, sounding disappointed as he looked down at his cup. 

"I am having a good time though! Yeah it gets frustrating when I fall but it's still nice being here with you. Maybe I will get better at it if I just keep practicing. Let's go back out there, I wanna try again!" Paul pleaded with Richard, not wanting the other man to think he didn't appreciate being invited there, because he did. 

"Okay if you want to, let's go." 

They got rid of their cups and started back out on the ice rink again. After only a few moments Paul fell once again, except this time he wouldn't let Richard help him up. Instead he sat there on the ground laughing. Richard couldn't help but start to laugh also. The fact that Paul fell again along with his funny giggle that Richard loved, he couldn't help but join in. He was bent over from laughing so hard and Paul was slumped over on the ice as he laughed also. 

"Okay, we can go now Paul, I don't think we'll be able to keep our balance good anymore with how much we're laughing," Richard said as he finally pulled Paul to his feet. 

"No! I don't wanna give up yet, let me try one more time!" Paul said as continued to laugh. 

"Okay, one more time," Richard replied as they finally regained their composure and continued. 

Soon enough, for the third time, Paul hit the ice again but this time Richard lost control himself and fell also, landing next to Paul. The laughter ensued again, this time with them laughing so hard they couldn't breathe as their stomachs became sore. Paul laid back on the ice completely as he couldn't control his laughter and Richard turned to watch him lying there. Paul was laughing so hard his eyes were closed and he grasped his stomach in pain. Then he heard Richard's laughter stop so he opened his eyes and looked up at the other man as his own laughter soon died down also. His vision was blurred with tears of joy but he could see well enough to tell that Richard was staring deep into his eyes with a blank expression on his face. 

"What Reesh?" Paul asked, wondering why he looked so serious all of a sudden. 

Richard then smiled at him and said, "Nothing. I just love being around you." 

Paul blushed and sat up and then Richard began to move closer to him as though he was about to kiss him but then unfortunately the intimate moment was ruined when a lady went by and said, "You guys okay? You need help up?" 

"We're fine. Thanks though," Richard said as he then got up and helped Paul up afterwards. 

They were dusting themselves off when Paul asked, "Will you walk me home Reesh? I definitely give up now!" 

They both laughed again and Richard replied, "Sure, I'll walk you home." They returned their skates and then began walking toward's Paul's place.

\----------------

"We should so do that again sometime soon and maybe next time you can bring your friends along," Richard said to which Paul shouted, "No way! You know how much they would make fun of me if i did that bad in front of them? Although they're probably not that good at it themselves. But yeah, I would like to go again sometime, just maybe not with them. It was pretty fun." 

"Pretty fun? That was so much fun! I had the time of my life. You're so much fun to be around, you know that Paulchen?" 

Paul was too shy to look over at Richard as he shrugged his shoulders and smiled and said, "Oh, I may have been told that a time or two."

After a few moments of walking in silence Richard asked, "So that one day when we first talked, you said you were into music. Have you ever thought of doing something that involves music for a living?" 

"Well, to be honest with you, my heart's kind of invested in the store now," Paul replied. 

"But I thought you said it was just a job? that it was only to pay the bills?"

"Well Reesh, um, actually that was kind of just me pretending that i didn't like my job because I thought you would find working at a candy store and making candy stupid or not cool. I wanted to make a good impression on you," Paul said, feeling embarrassed. 

"Paulchen, I would never think anything you do is stupid. And you found out you were wrong, didn't you? I ended up thinking what you do is awesome," Richard said, making Paul smile. "Hey, you wanna sit on this bench and rest for a second?" Richard asked, pointing to a bench which was on the sidewalk and faced away from the street. 

"Sure, are you getting tired?" Paul asked as they sat down. 

"No, I just wanted to spend a little more time with you before we reach your place." 

"Oh, okay," Paul said, as he was thinking that he wished Richard could just come home with him but he knew it was too soon for that. They hadn't even done as much as kiss yet and he still wasn't sure whether they were just friends or something more than that. 

"So do you play an instrument or something?" Richard asked him. 

"Yeah the guitar. Actually Flake and I used to be in a band when we were younger. We never got too far with it though. A couple of the guys that were in our band quit because they wanted to move away from here, so we just ended up breaking up. I kept my guitar for a while after we stopped playing. I would play it at home every now and then. It wasn't fancy or anything, but it was decent. But then when I took over my dad's store I sold it to buy some new equipment for the kitchen. I kind of wish I still had it." 

"So do I. You could've played it for me." Just as Richard was speaking, they started to hear some carolers singing a few shops down from where they sat. They were singing Silent Night. Paul looked at Richard, afraid that he would wanna leave because of the song that was being sung but Richard just smiled at him and acted as though it didn't bother him. 

"You wanna go?" Paul asked. 

"No it's fine," he replied as he just kept smiling. But then when that song ended they began singing 'I'll be home for Christmas.' Paul looked over at Richard again and his reaction was different this time. He tilted his head down and Paul could see a sad expression on his face. 

"Are you okay Reesh? Should we go now?" Richard just shook his head and Paul thought it looked like tears were starting to well up in his eyes.

"I'm okay," Richard whispered as he looked away from Paul, embarrassed. The smaller man put his arm around Richard and pulled him closer.

"What's the matter? Is it this song?" 

"It's just the words. The part where the song says.....nevermind, you'll think it's stupid. You don't need to hear my sob story again." Richard looked down and wiped his eyes. 

"I won't think it's stupid and it's not a sob story Reesh, it's your past and I want you to talk to me about it." 

Richard looked over at Paul and gave him a kind smile. He thought he was so sweet for wanting to be there for him. He then looked down again as he spoke. "I had a dream the other night, a dream similar to ones I've had many times before. My brother and sister and their families were sitting around a dinner table in America celebrating Thanksgiving. I don't even know how they would look now but in my dream I saw them as they are now, and in the dream I walk in as they are eating and they all stand up and greet me happily and start hugging me and my sister starts crying. They were happy to see me and I was even happier to see them. And then I woke up and realized I was alone in a shitty hotel room and that none of that really happened and thought it will probably never happen. The last line of the song, it gets me every time." 

"I'm sorry Reesh," Paul said as he squeezed the other man tighter and leaned the side of his head against Richard's. "But you know  
what? You might of been alone in your room but you're not alone. You've got me," Paul said and then Richard turned his head to look at him and then he nuzzled his head into the crook of Paul's neck. Paul felt his heart skip a beat and he shivered when he felt the heat of Richard's warm breath upon his neck, contrasting with the slow cooling air that surrounded them.

"Are you cold?" Richard asked him. 

"Um, yeah, it is getting kind of cold out here. Why don't we go now Reesh?" Richard lifted his head off of Paul and then nodded. 

\----------------

They stood up and started walking again and then Richard took Paul's hand into his and squeezed it lightly as he looked over at him. Paul smiled back at him and could feel his stomach doing flips. He thought that Richard only held his hand at the ice rink to keep him from falling but they weren't on ice now, Richard simply wanted to hold his hand. 

"Thanks Paulchen." 

"For what?" 

"For being there for me and listening to me and for not making fun of me for getting emotional back there." 

"Thanks for not making fun of me for falling fifty times at the ice rink," Paul said, making Richard laugh. 

They walked for a few moments in silence again and then Paul asked, "Hey Reesh, you know how you said you knew a few people that had seen your siblings in recent years? Do you think maybe they could help you get in touch with them?" 

"That was a few years ago. I never see those people anymore. I don't even know their numbers. All I know is that they were living somewhere near New York City when they saw them. I'll be alright Paulchen, you don't have to worry yourself with it." 

"I know, I just want you to be happy though." 

"I am happy. Well, I'm happy when I'm with you anyways." 

"You make me happy too Reesh," Paul said and just as Richard was getting ready to ask him if he really felt that way Paul said,  
"Here's my apartment," as he pointed to it.

Richard led him right up to his door and Paul turned to face him for moment. He felt bad leaving the other man at a time like this when he was feeling down but he didn't think it would be a good idea to have him come in when his place was decked out with Christmas decorations from floor to ceiling. He was relieved when Richard said, "Well I better get going. The ice rink tired me out, I need to get some sleep." 

They both smiled and almost started to laugh again at the thought of their experience at the rink but they managed not to. Paul wanted to kiss the other man so badly but his body felt frozen in place. He wasn't brave enough to do it. He was hoping that Richard would make a move but realized he wasn't going to when the other man said, "Well, gute nacht Paulchen." 

"Gute nacht Reesh." 

Richard turned and started to walk away so Paul then turned towards his door and started to open it and cursed himself for not making a move. But then just as he began to step inside, he heard Richard yell, "Hey Paul, wait a minute!" 

He turned back around, still holding on to the doorknob and wondered what the other man could want as Richard quickly walked back towards him. He stopped in front of Paul and just stood there for a moment with a slightly nervous expression on his face, saying nothing, and Paul looked at him, confused. He placed his hand on top of Paul's hand that was holding the door and then removed it from the knob and placed it back down by Paul's side. Paul turned slightly to face him straight on again as Richard placed his hand, this time, on the back of Paul's neck and gently pulled his face close to his own and then Richard's lips softly met Paul's. 

But then, not more than a few seconds later, Richard pulled away from Paul slightly and broke the kiss to search his face for a sign that he wanted him to stop but Paul never even opened his eyes and instead leant into Richard, so Richard continued the kiss. It started out slow and gentle at first. Paul couldn't believe this moment he'd been anxiously waiting for was finally happening. He felt his knees go weak and was afraid they would give out. He then parted his lips more and felt Richard take control of his whole mouth with his tongue. A shiver shot through Paul's whole body and Richard felt it so he put his other arm around Paul's lower back and pulled him in even closer and held him. This caused the kiss to grow deeper and more passionate so Paul wrapped his arms around Richard's back and let it happen. Their bodies were as close to each other as they could be and the kiss continued for a while longer as neither one wanted it to end, but then finally Richard needed to take a breath so he broke the kiss and then slowly pulled away from Paul as their arms fell back down to their sides. 

Richard still kept his other hand on the back of Paul's neck for a moment as they stood there gazing into each others eyes. He could tell Paul was still frozen in place as he stood there unmoving and just stared up at Richard with half lidded eyes. Richard slowly slid his hand from the smaller man's neck down to his shoulder and down his arm and then let go and slightly backed away from him. "See you Monday then?" he asked. 

Paul nodded his head and could barely speak as he answered in a quiet voice that was almost a whisper and only said, "Monday." Richard gave him an amused smile and then turned and as he walked away he wondered how Paul could get any cuter. 

Paul watched the other man until he was out of sight and then finally turned around and entered his apartment and shut the door behind him. He felt like jumping up and down and screaming and doing cartwheels through the place but he didn't wanna wake the neighbors so instead he just leaned his back and head against the door, put his hands in his coat pockets and stared straight ahead, grinning from ear to ear.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paul and Richard become closer as they learn more about each other's pasts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think about this story so far. I know it's got a lot of fluff in it right now but it is a Christmas story after all and there will be smut eventually. I've got some ideas for another story I'm gonna be starting soon and it won't be quite as nice as this one.

Paul's heart was filled with anticipation as he entered the coffee shop that Monday morning. He hadn't seen or talked to Richard since they kissed so he wondered if the other man would treat him any differently. He noticed right away that Richard wasn't there yet so he decided to watch out the window for him. When Oli came to take his order he had a question for him. 

"Hey Oli, do you remember Schneider's army buddy David that we used to hang out with? I think you said he became a private investigator." 

"Yeah, why?" 

"Do you still have his number?" 

"It's probably somewhere at my apartment. Uh oh, you don't think Richard's cheating on you already, do you?" 

Paul laughed and said, "No, it's nothin like that. I don't need him to investigate anything, I need him to help me find some people." 

"Oh ok. I'll look for his number when I get home later." 

"Ok, thanks Oli." 

A few minutes later Oli brought him his breakfast and noticed Richard still hadn't arrived. "Is Richard coming in today?" he asked. 

"He said he'd be here," Paul replied as worry began to replace the anticipation inside him. 

He finished his food and drink and Richard was still no where to be seen. His heart sank with disappointment. He wondered if Richard had changed his mind about wanting to see him. Maybe the kiss made him realize he didn't like Paul afterall, he thought. Oli came over and could see the sad look on his face. 

"Is everything okay, Paulie?" 

"I'm not sure actually. Richard told me he'd be here but I guess he changed his mind....about me." Paul looked down at the table as Oli took a seat on the other side of it. 

"Don't assume the worst, Paul. Maybe he woke up late or something, maybe he's sick, you don't know. Call Till when you get to work and have him check Richard's classroom." 

"That's a good idea!. I think I'm gonna go do that now," he said as he stood up. 

"And don't worry yourself before you even know what's going on, okay?" Oli said feeling bad for the other man. 

"I'll try not to. See ya Oli," Paul said as he handed money to Oli to pay for his breakfast and then exited the cafe with his head down and his shoulders slumped over. 

As he walked to work his heart raced and his stomach felt as though it was doing gymnastics. 'What if something happened to him?' he wondered. 'What if he decided he wants nothing to do with me?' As he walked, his body felt as though it was shaking, but from the fact that he was assuming the worst rather than from the cold. 

He entered the candy store and didn't even look up at Flake who was sitting behind the counter and immediately headed for the phone. He picked it up as he opened a book which sat next to it with local phone numbers in it. Flake could tell something was wrong. 

"Uh oh, did your date on Saturday not go so well?" 

"No our date, if that's even what it was, went great, or so I thought, but now I'm not so sure," he told Flake as he dialed the number for the university. "Yes, could I speak with Till Lindemann please? He's a student there," Paul asked the secretary as Flake watched in confusion.

"Yes, one moment please, I'll call him to the office," the woman on the other side of the phone replied." 

"What's going on?" Flake whispered. Paul put his finger up at him to let him know to wait a moment for an explanation. 

A few moments later Paul heard Till's voice say, "Till speaking." 

"Till, it's Paul. I need to ask you a favor. Can you walk past Richard's classroom when you get a chance and see if he's there and then call me back when you can to let me know?" 

Till laughed, "Well Paul, why didn't you just call and ask for Richard and then you could've found out if he was here and spoke to him yourself?" 

"I don't wanna talk to him, well not until I know what's going on at least. The other night he told me he'd see me on Monday but he didn't show up at the cafe this morning, so now I'm worried," Paul said and Till could hear the slight panic in his voice. 

"Well if he's there, do you want me to say something to him?" 

"No Till! Don't say anything! I just need to know if he's there and okay." 

"Well how are you gonna find out why he didn't show up at the cafe this morning?" 

"I'll figure something out later. Can you just do this one small favor for me please?" 

"Okay, I'll go see right now but I'm not sure how soon I'll be able to give you a call back. I gotta get to my first class soon." 

"Okay, that's fine. Thanks so much Till. Just call me as soon as you get a chance." 

"Okay, talk to you later then, goodbye Paul." 

"Bye." 

Paul hung up the phone and explained everything to Flake. "What if that kiss made him realize he's not into me or even worse what if something bad happened to him and that's why he didn't show up?" Paul asked Flake as he paced back and forth behind the counter.

"Stop thinking the worst Paul. I'm sure he's fine and I'm sure everything's still fine between the two of you. There's probably a  
perfectly rational explanation. Just calm down, I'm sure you'll be hearing from Till soon." Paul sat down in the other chair behind the counter and began tapping a pen on the counter as he waited anxiously for Till's call. Flake smiled and shook his head at him. 

Finally, over an hour later, the phone rang. Paul practically leapt out of his chair towards it and picked it up. 

"Till?" 

"He wasn't there Paul. There was a substitute. He probably just called in sick. Let me talk to Flake for a minute." Paul sighed and handed the phone to Flake. 

"He wants to talk to you." Flake took the phone and then huffed and smiled. 

"Okay Till, I guess I could do that. See you after work. Love you too. Goodbye then." Paul's heart dropped at hearing Flake tell Till he loved him. He was just starting to hope that maybe he would have something like that in his life soon but now he was beginning to lose hope. "Till suggested I manage the store today so you can go check on Richard at his hotel. What do you say to that?" 

"I really want to Flake. I wanna atleast make sure he's okay. Do you think you'll be alright managing things here by yourself?" 

"I've done it before Paul. Things will be fine here. Don't worry about me, you're already worried enough as it is. Just go to the hotel, right now." 

"Okay Flake, I appreciate it so much!" He grabbed his coat and barely had time to put it on before he walked quickly out of the store.

He soon arrived at the hotel and approached the desk and asked if he could have the room number for Richard Kruspe. The woman at the desk gave it to him and then he made his way up the elevator to the second floor. He nervously approached the door that had Richard's room number on it. He raised his hand to knock and then paused for a moment and thought, 'What if he's trying to avoid me? What if I make a fool out of myself by coming here? I have to see that he's alright though.' 

He knocked on the door rather quietly the first time and got no response. He knocked louder the second time and then heard Richard say "Just a minute." Paul breathed a sigh of relief at hearing the other man's voice. Richard got out of bed, coughing, and wrapped a robe around himself as he made his way to the door. He looked into the peephole and smiled, as he was glad to see Paul. He opened the door and said, "Paul, what are you doing here? Come in. I'm sorry, I look terrible right now. I think I've caught a bug or something," he said as he coughed again. 

Paul was relieved when he realized Richard was sick. He didn't want him to be sick but he was glad there was a reasonable explanation as to why he didn't come to the cafe. 

"I was so worried when you didn't show up for breakfast this morning. I even called Till at the school and had him see if you were there." Richard laughed, his voice raspy. 

"Why didn't you just ask the secretary for me directly?" 

"I thought maybe you were trying to avoid me," Paul replied shyly. 

"Oh Paulchen, I'm sorry I made you think that. I woke up feeling horrible this morning so I called the school and then I was gonna try to get a hold of you after that but then I took some medicine and it knocked me out before I got the chance. It makes me happy that you cared enough to check on me though." 

Paul smiled and said, "Well I'm so glad to see that you're alive atleast, even though I wish you were feeling better. Why don't you lay back down. You don't need to be up talking to me." 

Richard smiled, "Okay, I guess that would be wise, but you have a seat on the couch there and take your coat off. I wanna talk to you," he said as he lifted the covers and got back in bed and then laid on his back and turned his head towards Paul. 

"About what?" Paul asked as he removed his coat and then sat down on the couch that was to the left of the bed and turned to face Richard.

"Nothing in particular, I just meant I wanted to see how you've been. Did you do anything fun yesterday?" 

"I went and seen a movie. Reesh are you sure I shouldn't just go and let you rest. I don't wanna bother you." 

"You're not bothering me Paulchen. I don't want you to go. I think I feel better already just by you being here. So was the movie any good?" 

Paul blushed at Richard's kind words and said, "It was alright. I actually thought about calling and asking you if you'd like to go with me but I wasn't sure I should." 

"Why not?" 

"Well when you left the other night, you said 'See you Monday' so I didn't wanna seem like I was being too pushy by trying to see you everyday." 

"I wouldn't think that was being pushy. Would you think that about me if I wanted to see you everyday?" 

"No, I guess not," Paul said, feeling bad that he misjudged Richard. 

"Good, because there's a question I was wanting to ask you," Richard said looking slightly nervous.

"Okay, go ahead." 

"Well I was thinking it would be nice if we could see each other more often. I mean I enjoy seeing you in the mornings but I thought it would be even better if we could see each other in the evenings sometimes too and maybe go out again like we did the other night." 

"I think that would be really nice too Reesh but that's not a question," Paul said as he laughed quietly. 

"Oh, well what I was trying to get at is," Richard hesitated for a moment, "I feel like I'm back in high school asking you this but, would you wanna....be....my boyfriend?" Richard asked looking hopeful and embarrassed at the same time.

Paul's face lit up as a big grin appeared on it and his eyes shined bright. "Yeah Reesh, I would really like that."

They both smiled but didn't say anything else right away as neither was sure what to say or do next. Richard reached his hand out for Paul to take so Paul got up and sat on the side of the bed, facing him, and took his hand. 

"You're gonna get sick if you get too close to me Paul."

I'm too happy to care about that right now." 

Richard smiled at him and rubbed circles on the top of Paul's hand with his thumb. They stared into one another's eyes for a moment and then Richard said, "I wish I could kiss you right now." Paul blushed and smiled back at him. 

"Go ahead Reesh. I won't mind if you get me sick, it'd be worth it." Richard laughed and lifted his head as he brought Paul's hand to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on the top of it and then he closed his eyes and proceeded to plant soft kisses along each one of the smaller man's fingers and then his wrist and then he opened his eyes and looked back up at Paul and continued to kiss him half way up his lower arm. Paul watched the other man intensely and felt a pool of arousal start to unfurl in his abdomen so he felt it would be wise to change the subject before things went any further. 

"So do have any of your art work here?" Paul asked shakily. 

"Yeah, that sketchbook on the table," Richard said, pointing to a round table with a chair on each side that sat across from the couch.

"Can I see it?" 

"Sure," Richard replied as he motioned for Paul to get it and then sat up on the bed with his legs still stretched out. Paul picked up the book and sat back on the bed atop the covers, this time nudging Richard to scoot over so he could sit beside him so the other man could tell him about the pictures. He had one leg bent and the other partially hanging off the bed and then he laid the sketchbook on their laps as Richard put his arm around his waist and pulled him closer. Paul looked down and smiled as he began to open the first page. 

The first picture was a scene of downtown Berlin. "That's the view from the window in here," Richard told him. "I drew that the first night I got here. And that's the ice rink, and those are some other scenes from around town," Richard said as Paul turned the pages. 

"You're so talented Reesh! These are amazing! I love how you got every little detail, every person, every building, the streetlamps and everything." 

"Thanks Paulchen," Richard said, pleased that Paul seemed as though he meant the compliments he gave him. Then Paul saw a portrait. It was a man, woman and three children. He had a good idea of who it was. 

"Is this your family?" he asked.

"Yeah. I copied it from the same picture I have in my wallet," Richard answered as he motioned for Paul to hand him his wallet which was on the nightstand next to him. Paul handed it to the other man and Richard opened the wallet to the picture of his family and showed Paul.

"Beautiful family Reesh," Paul said as he looked up at Richard and saw a small smile appear on his face as he looked at the picture. Paul looked back down at it and said, "You were cute back then too. Too bad I didn't know you then." Richard laughed and squeezed Paul closer to him and laid a kiss on his temple. Paul blushed at that and then put the wallet back on the table. He turned to the next page of the book and realized there were no more sketches. 

"Is that all there is? Do you got anymore books around here?" 

"No that's all I have here. I've got one more book in my class but it's similar to this one, just stuff I'm teaching my students. I had tons of artwork at my old apartment but it was all ruined in the fire. I even had some artwork from high school." 

"Oh I'm so sorry Reesh. I didn't even think about that." 

"It's fine Paul."

"Hey Reesh, maybe you could sketch me sometime when you're feeling better. You could sit at the table and chairs over there and I could sit on the couch and you could draw me." 

Richard laughed and said, "I don't think that would work too well." 

"Why not?" 

"Because I don't think you'd be able to sit still that long Paulchen." 

"Oh you're probably right. I do tend to be a little hyper and fidgity at times," he agreed as they both laughed. "But maybe I could give you a picture of myself sometime and then you could copy it." 

"Yeah that would work," Richard replied. 

Paul got up to put the sketchbook back in it's place and then sat back down on the bed and turned towards Richard. He placed his hand on the other man's forehead and said, "You feel warm, you should lay back down and rest. Do want me to go now and let you sleep or do you want me to stay and take care of you?" 

"You don't have to do that. Don't you have to be getting back to work?" 

"No, Flake's taking care of the store today. I made him my co-manager last year so don't worry, he's getting paid extra for it," Paul said with a smirk. 

"Oh, well then I'd love you to stay here if you don't mind." 

"Oh course I don't mind. I wanna be here with you. Do you want me to make you anything?" he asked, pointing to the small  
kitchenette in the room. 

"No, I don't have much of an appetite right now. Just sit here with me and talk." 

"Okay. What'd you wanna talk about?" 

"Anything."

"Anything? Hmm, let me think. There was something I've been wondering about but I hope it won't upset you if I ask." 

"Ask me anything Paulchen." 

"Okay, well, what do you usually do on Christmas Eve and Christmas day? Do you stay at home by yourself? Do you go anywhere?" 

"I usually stay in and work on some sketches or preparing lessons for my class for after Christmas break. I try not to think about what day it is. If I went out, everyone would just be out there celebrating Christmas, so I prefer to just stay in and keep to myself and try to keep busy with work to take my mind off of things." 

"So you wanna be alone this year too? You don't wanna hang out with me?" Paul asked trying to hide the hurt in his voice. 

"It's not that I don't wanna hang out with you on those days Paulchen, it's just that I'd feel more comfortable being by myself. It's what I've been doing for years. I'm used to it. Besides, I want you to be able to celebrate." 

"Okay Reesh, that's fine, I understand. But just know that if you happen to change to change your mind, I'd be happy to spend those days with you, just so you know." 

"Okay, I'll be sure to remember that. So what do you do for Christmas?"

"Well, last year my parents came here and visited but they won't be able to this year so since my friend Schneider most likely won't be here either, Oli and I are gonna go have an early Christmas dinner at Schneider's family's house during the afternoon. It'll make them happy to have his friends around for the holidays since he can't be here with them." 

"That's nice of you guys to do. He still hasn't been told if he can come home then I take it?" 

"No unfortunately not. But then on Christmas evening all the guys are gonna come to my apartment for a little get together there since I've got the biggest place out of all of us. We're gonna have a small dinner and drinks and then open some presents afterwards." 

"That sounds like fun. You should let me come check out your apartment sometime soon since you got to see my lovely place here," Richard said and laughed. He could see then that Paul had a worried expression on his face. 

"I don't know about that Reesh." 

"Why not? Don't you want me to come over and hang out with you sometime?" 

"It's not that." 

"Well then what is it?" Richard asked, looking confused. "Oh I see. You think it'll make me feel bad if I see your nice, big apartment when I'm living here. It's fine Paul, I'm not gonna get jealous or anything if that's what's worrying you. Just because I don't have much right now, that doesn't mean I can't be happy for other people if they have nice things." 

"That's not it either Reesh." 

"Well then what is it? Tell me." 

Paul hesitated and then said, "I've got Christmas decorations everywhere, a big tree, presents under it. I went a little overboard this year," he said as he laughed nervously. 

"Oh Paulchen, is that it? That's fine, it's not gonna bother me. I already knew you said you loved Christmas so I expected all that. Not to mention that there are lights outside along all these streets I walk down everyday and decorations in all the windows. I'm used to it and it wouldn't be the first time I've been in someone's house that was decorated for Christmas. That wouldn't stop me from wanting to come there and see you." 

"Okay, well maybe you could come over sometime then. I would tell you you're invited to our get together Christmas evening but I already know you'd say no," Paul said, smiling a little to try to mask the disappointment in his voice as he spoke. 

"How about I come over whenever I'm feeling better sometime? We could order a pizza, watch a movie, make a date of it." 

"A date?" Paul asked, jumping up a little.

"Yeah, it could be like a date. Would you like that?" 

"Um, I don't know," he answered with hesitation in his voice and a worried look on his face again. 

"What's the matter now? I told you the decorations won't bother me." Paul shrugged his shoulders and stayed silent. "If you're  
thinking what I think you're thinking Paul, you don't have to worry about that either. I'm not gonna make you do anything you don't wanna do. You can trust me, I'd never wanna hurt you." Paul's body and expression relaxed noticeably and he smiled at Richard. "That's what you were worried about, wasn't it?" Richard asked as he put his hand on Paul's. 

"Yes, but it's not that I don't trust you and I know it would be stupid of me to compare you to anyone, but you see my ex, he tended to have a 'my way or the highway attitude' and often times pressured me into doing things I wasn't comfortable with. But I'm not saying you're like that. It's just hard for me to trust anyone." 

"I remember you saying you got out of a bad relationship last year. What happened, if you don't mind me asking?" 

"Well it wasn't one thing in particular. He was verbally and mentally abusive. I won't go into all the details unless you wanna know." 

"I wanna know, you can tell me, as long as your okay talking about it." 

"I'm fine talking about it. Well you see, I met him when I was a teenager through mutual friends. He was a lot older than me. We were friends for years before we dated. I thought he seemed like an arrogant asshole from the first time we met but it didn't bother me when we were just friends. We were both into music so the two of us along with Flake and a couple of our other friends started a band. During those years is when I realized I was attracted to men, and I knew that he had been with men before, but I had never actually been with one yet. One day, soon after he found out I was gay, he pretty much just made a move on me by kissing me, so I let him and then a few days later he asked me out so I said yes. I don't even know if I had feelings for him at that time but I wanted to know what it would be like to be with a man and I was too shy to ask out the guys that I liked. The first time we slept together I wasn't ready."

"He raped you?" Richard asked, looking angry. 

"No it wasn't like that. After we had been dating a couple weeks, we got drunk one night after one of our gigs and he followed me into my hotel room and started trying to take off my clothes. I told him I was too drunk to know what I was doing. He said it didn't matter and then he threw me onto the bed and told me to shut up. So then I was honest with him and told him I'd never been with a man before and that I was scared it would hurt. He told me it wouldn't and said to trust him. So I did, and it hurt, but technically I never told him to stop. From that point on he started saying things to me that made me afraid to break up with him." 

"Like what?" 

"Well he was always telling me I wasn't good enough. He said no other guys would like me because I was annoying and talked too much and said I never took anything seriously. He said he was the only guy that would put up with me. He also said I'd never amount to anything on my own and that I'd only be successful if I stayed with him. So I did, for three years after that. I know, it's crazy that I stayed with him for that long. My friends were always telling me to break up with him. They said I had changed and they were right. I became quiter and would never try to be funny anymore. There was one time when I did something he didn't approve of though. After our band broke up he wanted us to start a new band together but I decided to take over my dad's store instead. That really pissed him off but I didn't care. Eventually it finally got to the point where I just couldn't take it anymore so I decided I was gonna break up with him but I didn't know how to do it, but then he made it easy for me. One day around this time last year he said he had made plans for us to go away on trip together for a few weeks at Christmastime, but then I found out it wasn't even so we could spend time together, it was so he could play some gigs with his new band there. I told him I couldn't go because my parents were coming here for Christmas and I hadn't seen them in long time and also I couldn't abandon the store for that long, but I told him he was free to go without me. But he was very possessive so he didn't like the idea of leaving me here in Berlin without him. So then he told me, 'Go with me or consider this relationship over,' so I told him to have a nice time on his trip." 

"Way to go Paulchen!" Richard said smiling.

"While he was gone on his trip I moved all my stuff out of his place and stayed with Flake for a couple weeks and then I found the apartment that I'm living in now and moved into it right before he came back. But when he got back he found out where I was living and came over one night and acted as though nothing had happened. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him but he wouldn't leave me alone. He kept calling me and showing up at my apartment for weeks after that. So then finally, Till threatened to kick his ass if he ever called me or came near me again so after that I never heard from him again." 

"Alright Till!" Richard exclaimed. "If I was you, I would've just kicked his ass myself." 

"That's cause you're not afraid of anything Reesh. I'm afraid of everything." 

"That's not true Paul." 

"Yes it is. That's another thing my ex always told me. He said I never take risks and I don't. He said the only reason I took over my family's buisness was cause it was the safe choice and that I was too afraid to start something on my on. And then there's everything since I've met you too. I was too afraid to kiss you and to ask you out. I was even too afraid to ask you if us going to the ice rink was a date." Paul looked down in embarrassment as he spoke and Richard smiled but looked as though he felt bad for him also. 

"Paul, take your shoes off and get under the blankets with me. I wanna tell you something. Don't worry, I won't make a move on you. I'm too sick for that." Paul laughed and then got up and took his shoes off and then got underneath the blankets and sat next to Richard. Richard put his arm around him and pulled him closer. Paul took a deep breath and thought of how good it felt to have the other man's arm around him.

"Look at me Paulchen," he said in an assertive tone of voice with a serious look on his face. "Who was the one that came to my table at the cafe and talked to me first?" 

"Me," Paul replied as he stared into Richards blue eyes. 

"Who was the one that agreed to go to the ice rink for our first date even though they hadn't skated in twenty years and then got back up everytime they fell?"

"Me," Paul answered again. 

"Who was the one that was brave enough to try to suck my finger when I fed him a piece of candy?" 

Paul laughed and said, "Me."

"And who was the one that chose to take over the family buisness cause that's what he wanted to do, instead of doing what someone else told him to do?"

Paul looked down and said quietly, "Me again." 

"See Paulchen, it sounds like you're braver than you thought you were. You know now that none of that stuff your piece of shit ex said was true, right?" 

"I guess," Paul said quietly, still looking down.

"I think you're perfect just the way you are. I think your funny, I think you're sweet, and sexy, and I really like my little chatterbox, okay?" Richard said as he squeezed Paul closer and looked down at him. 

"Okay," Paul said looking up him at him again, his smiling face glowing at the other man's compliments. Richard lifted his other hand and brushed it lightly across Paul's cheek and smiled briefly and then his expression turned serious again.

"And I am afraid of something, something I've feared for years." 

"What?" Paul asked him curiously. 

"Being alone for the rest of my life." 

"How could you even think that would be possible Reesh? You could get any guy you want." 

"Everyone I've ever cared about has left me in one way or another. First my family, then after I left for college my foster parents acted as though I didn't even exsist anymore, they were too busy with all their other foster children. And then several years ago they moved far away to open their own orphange. Then when I graduated from college, the wall came down and all my friends decided they couldn't get away from here fast enough. But I already had plans to become a teacher here and I lived here my whole life so I didn't wanna move away. I've had a couple of serious relationships. The first guy I was with, I liked him and cared about him alot but one day he told me he loved me and I couldn't say it back so he got mad and broke up with me. I wasn't in love with him yet. What was I supposed to do, lie to him? Then the second guy I was with, I actually started to think I was falling in love with him, but then I found out he was cheating on me, so those feelings went away quick." Now Richard was the one looking down with a somber expression on his face. 

"I'm not gonna leave you Reesh," Paul said kindly as he laid his hand on top of Richard's. 

"You haven't known me that long yet. You don't know what will happen in the future. You might change your mind." 

"None of us knows what's gonna happen in the future. That doesn't mean we should live our lives always being afraid of what could possibly happen." 

"I know you're logically right Paul but it's hard to think that way when you've had as much bad luck as I've had." Paul nodded as though he understood Richard and gave him a kind smile. 

They sat in silence for a few moments and then Paul asked Richard, "So you've never really been in love before?" Richard shook his head. "I thought I loved the woman I was married to but after we got divorced I realized I only loved her as a friend and I thought I loved my last ex but now I know that nothing about that relationship was love." 

Paul noticed as he was speaking that Richard looked tired and also as though he didn't feel well so he told him, "We've been talking a long time. Why don't you lay down and take a nap now? I'll stay here while you sleep." 

"Okay. I guess I should rest so I can get better. You're welcome to lay down with me if you want." Paul just smiled shyly but didn't move right away. Richard laid down on his side and faced away from Paul. Paul sat there for a while, thinking about everything Richard had said, about how he thinks Paul is perfect the way he is and how he's afraid of ending up alone and that he's never been in love. He felt himself falling even harder for Richard in this moment. 

He then heard Richard start to cough so he asked him if he needed a drink or anything else but Richard said no and that he was fine. Paul then decided to lay down also. He faced Richard's back and started gently rubbing circles on it with his hand. Richard's coughing calmed down and soon Paul could tell by his breathing that he was asleep. He kept soothing him for a few more minutes even after he knew the other man was sleeping and soon after that he ended up driting off himself, only for a short time though.

He stayed with Richard until the late evening, leaving only once to buy some soup so they would have something to eat. He cooked for him and brought him his medicine and everything else he needed so the other man wouldn't have to get up and he even helped him walk to the bathroom whenever he felt dizzy. 

Once it started getting late in the evening he told Richard he had to go so he could be at home in the morning to get ready for work. He put his shoes and coat on and then bent down and kissed Richard on the forehead and said, "Feel better soon." 

Richard replied, "You know if you keep doing nice things for me I'm gonna have to keep coming up with creative ways to repay you."

"Oh I could probably think of some ways," Paul said with a sly smirk on his face. 

"Like what?" Richard asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Well, for starters, let's say not this weekend but maybe next weekend, if you're feeling better by then you can come to my apartment on Saturday night for pizza and a movie." 

"You're saying yes to that then?" Richard asked with an look of excitement upon his face. 

"Sounds like I just did!" Paul replied, smiling. 

Then Richard told him, "If you change your mind before then, that's okay though. I won't get mad."

"I won't change my mind," he replied as he started walking towards the door and then he turned around once more before opening it to look at Richard and said, "Gute nacht Reesh."

"Gute nacht Paulchen," Richard replied happily, looking as though he was feeling better already. 

Paul left the hotel and began walking down the mostly darkened streets towards home, only lit by a few streetlights and trees with Christmas lights on them and still wore a big grin on his face. He felt like skipping happily to his apartment but then shook his head and laughed at himself for even thinking such a thing. "Professor Richard Z. Kruspe," he said outloud to himself cheerfully, "MY boyfriend, Professor Richard Z. Kruspe!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are appreciated as always!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paul and Richard have fun flirting with each other and Richard has an interesting day in class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The scene that happens in the second part of this chapter might not seem completely realistic but who cares, it's a fictional story right?

The rest of the week passed by with Richard trying to recover from his sickness. Paul hung out with him at his hotel a few more times in the evenings. One morning, the following week, when Paul was approaching the cafe, he saw Richard walking towards the place at the same time from the opposite direction. They both smiled as they got closer to each other but then just as they were meeting at the door, Richard took a hold of Paul's arm and pulled him aside and then gently pushed him back against the side of the building and started kissing him passionately. It took the smaller man by surprise but he didn't mind being kissed this way at all. He knew the other people on the sidewalk could see but he didn't care. He grabbed on with both hands to the front of Richard's open coat as the other man held him by the arms and wouldn't let him go until he finally broke the kiss. 

When Richard pulled away, Paul was slighly out of breathe and asked him, "What was that for?" 

"I haven't been able to give you a proper kiss since the first time we kissed because I've been sick, but now I'm finally better so I couldn't wait any longer. I've been dying to do that again." 

"Oh okay," Paul said blushing, "Well I'm glad you're finally better now." 

They entered the coffee shop and sat down and Oli soon came over and asked if they both wanted their usual. "You know what Oli?" Paul said, "I think I'm in the mood for something sweet today. Give me a big piece of your apple strudel." 

"That sounds good, I'll take the same, and put a little cream and sugar in my coffee while you're at it too please," Richard said as he and Paul sat there smiling at each other like they were the only ones in the place. Oli raised an eyebrow at each of them and then shook his head and smiled.

"Okay, two apple strudels and two sweetened coffees coming right up for the two lovebirds." 

When Oli came back with their orders a few minutes later he asked Paul, "So do you got any special plans for your birthday this Saturday?" Richard looked up at Oli and then at Paul with a confused expression on his face. 

"Richard's coming over that evening. He's gonna see my apartment for the first time," Paul answered with a nervous smile towards Oli. 

"Oh, that should be fun! Well, talk to you soon then Paulie. See ya Richard," Oli said and then walked away. 

"Saturday is your birthday?" Richard asked surprised. "Why didn't you tell me? You were gonna have me come over without knowing? You should've told me, I'll have to get you a gift." 

"That's why I didn't wanna tell you. I didn't want you to feel obligated to get me something. We haven't been together that long, it's not necessary." 

"Oh come on, I want to. Is there anything in particular that you'd like?"

"You don't have to get me anything Reesh, I don't need anything, really. Just you coming over is enough."

"Well if you won't tell me anything, I guess I'll just have to think of something on my own. What that will be, I have no idea, but I'll think of something." Paul just laughed and then the two men took their forks and began to dig into their strudel. 

"So it's gonna be an interesting day in one of my drawing classes today," Richard said as he took a bite. 

"Oh yeah, why's that?" Paul asked, interested. 

"Well, we're doing something we do every year with all the drawing classes. We'll be having nude models come in to pose and everyone in the class will sketch them." 

Paul almost choked on his food as he coughed and then said, "So my boyfriend's gonna be staring at naked models all day?"

Richard laughed at him. "It's not all day, it's only one class, and I'm only gonna be looking at them for teaching purposes while I tell the students what techniques they need to be using and what to be focusing on. The school's been doing it for years even since before I worked there. And they're not actually professional models, it's just a few volunteers that go to school there and they won't be completely naked, they'll be wearing nude colored underwear. You're not feeling jealous are you?" Richard asked, smiling kindly at Paul.

"No, why would I be jealous?" Paul said, shrugging his shoulders, but it was clear to Richard by his body language that it bothered the other man slightly.

"Oh yeah, and your friend Till is one of the people who volunteered. I'm not sure if he'll be in my class or one of the other classes though," Richard added nonchalantly. 

"What?" Paul exclaimed, sitting up higher in his seat. "He would! That doesn't surprise me, he's always been such a exibitionist," he said, laughing. 

"You know you've got nothing to worry about, right? I've only got eyes for you, Paulchen." 

"I know, I'm not worried," Paul said looking down, but Richard wasn't convinced. 

"Would it make you feel better if I said you could come down and watch?" 

"What? I'd be allowed to do that?" 

"Sure, no one will know. I'll let you use my sketchbook and pencils and you can sit in the back of the class and pretend like you're a new student or something. There's a good amount of people in the class so I don't think anyone would even notice, or care." 

Paul thought about it for a few moments and then said, "Well, I guess it would be kind of interesting. I'll ask Flake if he wouldn't mind running the store for a couple hours. Hey, I wonder if he knows Till will be modeling." Richard just shrugged his shoulders and kept eating. 

"I think it will be fun having you in my class, having you watch me teach while I pretend like you're just another one of my students." 

Paul looked up at him and smiled. "Is that some secret 'professor/student' fantasy of yours or something Reesh?" 

Richard laughed out loud. "No! That's not what I meant." 

"Oh, well it's one of mine," Paul said with a sly smile. Richard looked quite surprised at the smaller man's confession but he didn't know how to respond to that so he just blushed and then laughed. 

Paul then finished his strudel and said, "Man that was so good I could almost eat another piece!" 

"Here, you want some of mine?" Richard asked him. 

"No, that's fine." 

"Oh come on, just one bite," Richard said as he took a piece of strudel with his fork and then held it in front of Paul's mouth. 

"Okay, just one bite." Paul opened his mouth and leant his head forward and put the bite in his mouth and then kept the fork inside for a moment and very slowly slid away from it while gazing right into Richard's eyes at the same time. Richard watched him with interest as Paul swallowed it and then gave a long and drawn out, "Mmmmm, yours tastes even better than mine," he said while smiling at the other man. 

Richard laughed again and said, "You're such a little flirt today, aren't you?" 

Paul looked embarrassed and then his smile disappeared. "Am I annoying you?" 

Richard gave him a shocked look. "No you're not annoying me! Why would you even think that? Paul do me a favor and never use that word when referring to yourself again, okay? I told you you're perfect the way you are and never to change, remember?" 

"I'm not perfect Reesh, I've got my faults just like anyone else." 

"I know you do. But I like you in spite of your faults. And you are perfect in my eyes, even if you don't believe that." Paul looked happy about what Richard said so he took the other man's hand into his over the table. 

A few moments later he jokingly said, "Hey Reesh just think, if one of the volunteer models backs out I can take their place!" 

"Hell no you won't!" Richard said in a teasing sort of way. 

Paul's mouth fell wide open and he looked slightly hurt. "Why not? You don't think I'm good enough to model?" 

"Yeah, you're good enough. I just don't want my whole class seeing your sexy naked body before I've even had a chance to." Paul's whole face immediately turned red and he looked surprised again.

"How do you know my body's sexy if you've never even seen it?" 

Richard leaned foward to get close to Paul and said quietly, "I see it every night, in my dreams." 

Paul shouted, "Reesh!" as he started laughing and removed his hand from Richard's and used it to cover his face as the other man began laughing too. "Now who's the flirt?" Paul mumbled from behind his hand. 

"Just giving you a taste of your own medicine," Richard replied. "You know how much I enjoy making you blush?" 

Paul took his hand away from his face and said, "You must, you do it all the damn time!" 

\---------------

They left the cafe and Paul arrived at work and asked Flake if he knew that Till was going to be posing nude. "Yeah I know," Flake replied, unbothered by the fact. 

"You don't care?" Paul asked him.

"No, why would I care? He's a beautiful man, he should show off his body," he answered with a straight face. Paul laughed at that and then told him how Richard said he could come and watch and asked if he would mind watching the store. 

"No I don't mind, but why do you wanna go and watch? Are you jealous?" 

"No! But he told me to come there so I figured why not? It could be kind of interesting." 

"Well try not to stare at my boyfriend for too long," Flake said to Paul, teasing him. "It's too bad I can't go and watch," he added. 

"That would probably be kind of awkward for Till to have his own boyfriend there," Paul said. 

"Yeah, it would be kind of funny though if Till undressed and then walked in and saw me sitting there," Flake said, making the both of them laugh. 

\----------------

Later that day, Paul left the store early and headed towards the university. Once inside he had to ask a couple people for directions to Richard's classroom. He eventually found it and as he entered he stood by the doorway and took a quick look around. It wasn't how you would picture a typical college classroom. It wasn't too big but it was wide and the students were spread out all over. There weren't regular desks, instead there were tables that tilted up or down where the students had their sketchbooks and there were also several big windows behind the students that let in a lot of light. There were still some people coming into the class as it hadn't yet started. A few people looked at him as though they were trying to figure out if they had seen him before but then they looked away and didn't seem to care that he was there. 

Paul then looked towards the desk and saw Richard. Everytime he had ever seen him before, he was either wearing his long black coat that mostly covered his clothes if he was at the cafe or outside, and whenever he would see him in the evenings at his hotel he was always in a t-shirt and jeans. But now in his classroom, he was wearing black dress pants with a black belt and a light blue button down shirt with a collar and he was also wearing wide rimmed black glasses. He was standing there leaning against the front of his desk, with his hands in his pockets and his feet crossed, watching as the students took their seats. Paul was floored by his looks. He already knew he was obviously good looking but when he saw him standing there, looking so smart and professional, he had to bite his lip to stop himself from grinning too much. 

Richard finally noticed Paul standing there and he smiled at the smaller man. Paul couldn't help but smile back as he felt as though his heart was going to beat out of his chest. Richard lifted his hand slightly and pointed to the back of the class, also tilting his head in the same direction to let Paul know where to go. Paul looked towards the back and saw an empty chair and a table with a sketchbook sitting on it so he went and took a seat there. There was no one right by either side of him, thankfully Paul thought, because he was gonna have to draw and pretend like he was part of the class and if anyone would see his paper, they would clearly notice he was no artist. 

Once it looked as though no one else was entering the room Richard closed the door and said, "Okay class, were going to began now so have your books and pencils ready." Paul smiled at how confident Richard sounded when he spoke to the class. It was a somewhat different tone of voice than the one he uses with him but Paul liked it. 

There was a bench that sat in front of the students and off to the side of the class there were a few folding walls that Paul assumed were where the models would stand behind to get undressed. A few moments later, the first model emerged. It was a brunette woman who looked to be in her early twenties and she was in good shape. Paul thought she was beautiful but women did nothing for him anymore, not even naked ones, he thought to himself. At first she stood in front of the bench and posed with her front side facing the class. She bent one of her knees slightly and placed her hand on her hip. She looked a little shy but didn't seem embarrassed at all. Richard began instructing the students on the best way to make their sketches look realistic. His desk was a little off to the side from where the woman stood and Paul noticed Richard only glancing at her every so often and then he would look towards the class whenever he would be explaining something to them. Paul started drawing on the blank page before him. He didn't know what he was doing but he was atleast trying. 

The woman then sat on the bench and had her side facing the class and then after those two poses she was done. She went behind one of the walls to get dressed and out from behind another one walked a young man. Paul thought he was good looking too but he was no Richard. And after that man was done and went to dress, Till came out from behind a wall. Paul looked surprised for a moment and then he had to look down and try not to laugh. It was only mildly awkward for him though, he wasn't completely naked after all. Till didn't seem to notice Paul as he never really seemed to look right out at the class and instead he looked past them above their heads. It would probably be uncomfortable for someone to make eye contact with the people who are watching you as they draw your body, Paul thought. Richard never stared at the men too long either and seemed focused on what he was explaining to his class. 

A few times Paul looked at him and caught Richard staring back at him. Richard thought Paul looked so cute sitting there, concentrating as he drew on the page in front of him. He didn't know whether Paul was actually sketching the models or if he was just trying to make it look like he was. Richard then started speaking to the students and was describing how they should make sure to capture the differents lights and shadows coming in from the windows and reflecting off of Till. Then he said, "See how the light hits his blonde hair and makes it look lighter?" Richard didn't even realize what he said but Paul did and he had to try not to laugh. 

One of the girls in the class raised her hand and spoke up, "Mr. Kruspe?" 

"Yes Sarah," Richard answered. 

"His hair is brown. You said it was blonde." 

"Oh, that's what I meant," Richard said, trying to act like he wasn't phased by his mistake, but the girl and her friend had noticed their teacher looking towards the man they didn't recognize in the back of the class and they looked back at Paul and then whispered something to each other and laughed. Paul was flattered that Richard had a naked man standing close to him, yet he couldn't take his mind off of Paul. At that moment he wished he could just go out into the hallway and pull the fire alarm so everyone would leave and he could be alone in the room with Richard but then he thought that the other man probably wouldn't find that too amusing, considering the reason for his current living situation. 

Once the class had finally ended, the students started to get up and exit the room, taking their sketchbooks and pencils with them. Before they were all gone though, Paul stood up, leaving the sketchbook he had been using on the table and then walked up to Richard. He didn't wanna cause a scene so all he did was touch Richard's upper arm softly and smiled at him and said quietly, "See ya later Reesh," and then he winked at him and walked out, causing Richard to blush. 

The two girls who had been laughing previously, approached Richard at his desk and the girl named Sarah said, "It looks like teacher's got a thing for the new student," as she raised an eyebrow at him. Richard looked confused for a second and then realized what she was talking about and smiled. 

"Oh, he's not a student, that's my boyfriend Paul."

Both girls looked at each other surprised and then smiled at him and Sarah said, "Alright Professor! Mr. Kruspe's got himself a new man, and a cute one too!" 

Richard laughed. "He is pretty cute, isn't he?" 

"Totally!" Both girls exclaimed. 

Richard smiled and said, "You two better get to your next class now, you don't wanna be late." They told him goodbye and walked out and then the room was finally empty other than Richard. 

He went to the back of the class to get his sketchbook from where Paul had been sitting and as he looked at the page it was opened up to, he immediately broke out in laughter. Paul wasn't a great sketch artist by any means but he was decent enough for Richard to tell what it was. He hadn't been sketching the models. Instead he drew Richard standing at his desk. And he also added little hearts around the corners of the page. It took a while for him to stop laughing, and then he closed the book and took it along with the pencils back up to his desk and then sat in his chair. He rested his arms on the arms of the chair and leaned his head back against it and started swiveling from side to side as he thought about Paul with a smile on his face until his next class entered.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paul and Richard's date night on Paul's birthday : )

Richard stood outside of Paul's door and took a deep breath as he got ready to knock. He was very excited about tonight but he knew Paul was nervous so he promised himself he'd be a perfect gentleman and on his best behavior. But Richard was also a little confused because it seemed as though Paul had been sending him mixed signals lately. Last week he told him what happened with his ex and how he felt pressured when he wasn't ready to sleep with him but then the last few days Paul had been flirting with Richard more than usual and by some of the things he was saying it seemed as though maybe he was ready to take that next step in their relationship. Richard wasn't sure though so he decided the best thing for Paul would be to take things slow. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt him. 

He knocked on the door and as soon as Paul opened it he stood there smiling and told Richard to come in. Once he let him in he noticed Richard was holding a small cake that said, 'Alles Gute zum Geburtstag Paulchen'. Paul's eyes lit up and a huge grin crossed his face. "Reesh! Thank you so much! You didn't have to get me a cake." 

"Do you like it?" 

"Yes, I love it! That was so nice of you." 

"Happy Birthday Paulchen," Richard said as he gave Paul a kiss on the cheek. 

"You call that a birthday kiss?" Paul complained. 

"Well I'm holding this cake Paul, I don't wanna drop it."

"Oh," Paul laughed, "Well let me take it and sit it in the kitchen. You can take your coat off and hang it on that rack next to the door and take your shoes off too if you want and leave them by the door. Richard took his shoes off first and then his coat and hung it up. He wasn't dressed up too nice since he knew it was just going to be a simple night in at Paul's place. He wore his best blue jeans and a nice black t-shirt with a collar but he also made sure to dab a little of his good cologne on himself before he left, and he was glad to see Paul had dressed casually too, the smaller man in a grey t-shirt and black jeans. 

When Paul came back from the kitchen he noticed Richard had walked over to the Christmas tree which stood at the left end of the living room in front of some big windows. The room was quite big and the ceilings were high. "So let me look at all this," he said as he walked around and studied the tree and all the rest of the decorations near it. He saw that there was a long table with little Christmas buildings on it and lots of other little Christmas themed knick knacks all around the room. "You really went all out, didn't you?" 

"Yeah," Paul laughed nervously, a little worried about what the other man's reaction would be, but none of it seemed to bother him. 

Richard then turned towards Paul and cupped his face with his hands and then closed the distance between them until their lips met. The kiss was slow and gentle and Paul got lost in it as he always did, gripping the sides of Richard's shirt and letting the other man take control and do whatever he wanted to do to him. The kiss grew deeper and they both felt as though they could do this all night. Richard loved the way Paul lips tasted on his, so soft and sweet, just as he was. Paul wondered how Richard knew just the right way to touch his lips and explore the inside of his mouth in order to make Paul weak at the knees and not even capable of thinking straight anymore. 

Richard finally broke the kiss but then lowered his hands to the sides of Paul's neck, underneath his ears and continued with kisses on his jaw and cheek. He pulled his face away and stared into Paul's lidded eyes and asked, "Was that a sufficient enough kiss for the birthday boy?" 

At first Paul just nodded his head and acted as though he couldn't speak but then answered under his breath, "That'll do for now." 

Richard huffed out a smile as he let go of him and then Paul said, "Let me give you a quick tour of the rest of the place." 

He walked Richard around to the other rooms briefly and then they ended up back where the tree was. "Can I ask you something about your tree, Paulchen?" 

"Sure, what it is?" 

"Well I haven't helped decorate a tree in a long time so maybe I'm wrong but shouldn't there be a tree topper on the top of it?" 

"Oh, there's kind of an embarrassing explanation for that," Paul said, laughing shyly. "Well I didn't realize how big this tree actually was until I got it in here. It's taller than the one I had last year, and you see even when I stand on the step stool I still can't reach the top well enough to place the topper there properly." 

"Oh, I can try to get it for you. Where's it at?" Richard offered.

"In the corner right there." Paul pointed to a corner close to the tree and Richard pulled the step stool out and took the topper that was on a table beside it and then put the stool in front of the tree and stepped on it and was able to get the topper on right. 

Paul looked up at the simple star that was the topper. "It looks good Reesh, thanks!" Richard kept standing on the stool and stared at the star for a few moments and then looked down and started admiring the other ornaments with interest and brushed his fingers along some of him. Paul noticed Richard's sad demeanor. 

"Are you gonna come down now Reesh? Are you okay?" 

Richard stepped off the stool and just smiled at Paul. "I was just thinking that's it's been forever since I've put anything on a tree. It brings back memories."

Just when Paul was about to hug Richard, there was a knock at the door. "That must be the pizza. I'll get it and you can go have a seat on the couch if you want," Paul told him. 

Richard went and sat down on the left side of the sofa and shortly after, Paul came in with the pizza and set it on the coffee table. "This sure is a big couch you got here." Paul's couch was a rather large, dark brown sectional made of the softest leather. 

"Yeah, the guys are always coming over so I had to get something big enough to accommodate us all." 

Richard then stretched his arms and legs out and laid back against it and said, "Ahhh, it's so big and comfy, I could just go to sleep right here and now." Inside Paul's head he said 'be my guest' but thought it best not to say that out loud.

Paul bent down in front of the entertainment center and turned on the TV and took a movie out of the cabinet below it where he kept all of his movies and then put the one he chose into the VCR. "What are we watching?" Richard asked. 

"The Terminator, the first one. Flake bought me one and two for my birthday and gave them to me yesterday at work." Richard laughed.

"What's so funny?" Paul asked him. 

"I didn't think you seemed like you would like that type of movie." 

"What's that's supposed to mean?" 

"Nothin, I just thought you seemed too sweet for those kind of movies." 

Paul squinted his eyes at Richard. "You know I'm not always as sweet as I look. I can be tough too if you ever make me mad enough sometime Reesh," he said, teasing him and then stuck his tongue out and Richard just laughed at him. "Actually, Arnold Schwarzenegger is my favorite actor. Are you gonna make fun of me for that too?" he asked when he saw Richard trying not to laugh again.

"I'm not making fun of you, I just find it amusing when I find out something new about you and it's something I didn't expect, that's all."

"Oh. Well I'm gonna go get a beer from the fridge. Do you want one? If not, I've also got water and soda." 

"I'll take a beer," Richard replied.

Paul started walking towards the kitchen and then stopped to turn and look back at Richard once more and said, "I'll be back!" in his best Schwarzenegger voice, making Richard laugh. 

\------------

While they watched the movie, they each ate a few pieces of pizza and drank a few beers and during the middle of the movie Paul paused it once so he could cut the cake and they each ate a piece of that too. During the last half of the movie, Paul started off by leaning his head against Richard's chest with the other man's arm around him and then eventually his head lowered onto Richard's lap as his body stretched out on the rest of the sofa, then by the time the movie ended they were both laid out on it with their heads resting on the arm of the couch. Richard was against the back with Paul lying in front of him while his arm was around him and resting on his abdomen, and Paul's arm and hand resting on top of Richard's. 

Once the movie was over, Paul looked disappointed and turned onto his back and then looked over at Richard with hopeful eyes. "You don't have to go yet, do you?" 

"No, I can stay a little longer. What'd you wanna do, watch another movie?" Richard asked him.

"No, I wanted to ask you something." 

"What?" 

"What'd you think the first time you saw me?" Richard wasn't expecting that question so he had to think about it for a minute and then he answered while looking down at Paul's chest, instead of looking directly at him, "I don't know. That you saved my life." 

Paul looked at him, puzzled and asked, "What do mean Reesh?"

"It's a long story and you'll probably think I'm stupid if I tell you. I don't think I should, you might judge me," Richard replied nervously.

"I would never judge you or think you're stupid! You have to tell me now, I'm too curious now." 

Richard looked above Paul as he spoke, still not able to look right at him. "You probably won't understand, but the night before I saw you that first time, I was having a really hard time with everything. My apartment had just burned down a week before that and it was only a few months before that that I had broken up with my ex, the one who was cheating on me. I was lying in bed one night and I was having trouble sleeping because I still hadn't gotten used to the hotel yet. I heard a family in the hallway and they went into the room next to mine and the kids were being really loud and making it even harder for me to sleep, but I think it also bothered me because they reminded me of when my siblings and I use to play when we were kids and we would be so loud that the neighbors would complain. I just laid there, thinking about everything I had lost; people, my home, everything, and I really just wanted to....." 

Richard stopped speaking and Paul asked, "You wanted to what?" 

Richard hesitated a bit and then said, "To end it all, to end.....my life." He bit his lip and looked down in embarrassment after he said it and Paul looked shocked as he turned slightly and put his hand on Richard's upper arm. 

"Reesh! You wouldn't really do that, would you?"

"No, I wouldn't have actually done it, but I wanted to. I couldn't help feeling that way. I was in a really dark place in my head that night. I ended up getting maybe two hours of sleep and then I woke up a while before my alarm was set to go off, but I knew I wouldn't be able to fall back to sleep so I just got up early and went to make some coffee with the coffee maker in my room, but then noticed there was none left. Then I remembered that a few days before that I had seen a new coffee shop that had just opened in town, so I decided that since I had extra time before work, I would stop in there. As I was walking there, I was in such a bad mood already and a guy on the street accidently ran into me and I swear, I almost punched him in the face!" The both of them laughed at that. "And then I neared closer to the cafe and as I was passing the window I looked over and saw this gorgeous man staring at me." Paul's face lit up with a smile. "I looked down and tried to stop myself from smiling but I wasn't able to. I was kind of nervous when I walked in. I wondered if you would look at me again. I purposely sat at that certain table so I could have a good view of you. And then after a while I looked up towards you and saw the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. Your smile really is contagious, you know that?" Paul blushed and snuggled up closer to Richard as he turned towards him and put his arm around the other man's waist and kept looking right into his eyes as he spoke. "I made sure to get up early the next morning just so I could try to see you again. It made me so happy when I saw you come in again. I wanted to say something to you everyday after that but I noticed Oli had sat down at your table and talked to you a few times so I thought maybe you guys were a couple." 

"Really?" Paul laughed. 

"Yeah, but I still just had to know more about you and whether you were single or not so I finally decided I was gonna talk to you one day but then you came over and talked to me first. I was so relieved! And I was even more relieved to find out you were single. And then you know where things went from there. So like I said, you pretty much saved my life. And you wanna know something else Paul? No one has ever made me feel the way you make me feel. And I mean that, honestly." 

"How do I make you feel Reesh?" Paul asked as he looked up at Richard curiously with puppy dog eyes. 

"It's hard to describe in words." Richard told him. 

"Try." 

Richard had his arm around Paul's waist also and he held him as he looked up for a while and thought and then he back looked down at him and said, "Okay. Well, you're gonna think this sounds really corny but it's the only way I can think to explain it." 

"Just say it Reesh, I don't care how corny it is." 

"Okay. Have you ever seen the Wizard of Oz movie?" 

Paul laughed. "Yeah I've seen it. And you were making fun of me for wanting to watch The Terminator!" 

"See, I told you it's stupid, never mind." 

"No Reesh! I'm sorry, I was just kidding. Just say it, I won't laugh anymore, I promise."

"Alright," Richard sighed, "Well my life before I met you was kind of like the black and white part at the beginning of the movie, dark and dreary. And a twister, or in my case a fire, came and took away everything I had left and then I laid there on my bed that night, just as Dorothy had laid knocked out on hers, and then the part where she gets up and opens the door and sees everything in color, that's like when I walked into the coffee shop and saw you." 

Paul lifted his head and looked at him with furrowed brows and Richard could see that laughter was the furthest thing from Paul's mind. Instead, there were tears welling up in the smaller man's eyes. "Reesh," was all he could manage to huff out before burying his face into Richard's chest, overwhelmed by what the other man just said. Paul wasn't used to having a man be so kind to him or to being treated as good as he was by Richard. Richard rubbed Paul's upper back and closed his eyes as he kissed him on the top of his head. 

Paul then looked back up at Richard and pressed his lips against the other man's lips and began kissing him desperately. Richard returned the kiss with just as much desperation and it wasn't long before their hands were moving all over each other. Paul's hand slid down from Richard's waist and went underneath the front of his shirt and glided smoothly up to his chest and across it, brushing along both nipples and then back down to his abdomen, then up and down his side, and then behind his back and across his shoulder blade as he attempted to try to grab him and pull him closer. Richard lifted his leg and put it over and underneath Paul's legs as his hand went behind Paul and under the back of his t-shirt, rubbing circles along his back and then he reached further down and put his hand under Paul's side that was against the sofa and used his hand and leg to lift Paul's body up slightly and pull him closer with force, so that their bodies were pressed tightly against each other and then he continued rubbing circles on the small of his back as they kissed.

Paul moved his hand onto the back of Richard's head and put his fingers in his hair and then broke the kiss and began kissing Richard on the neck, below his jaw and Richard took a deep breath in. Then their hips started buffeting and Richard let out a pleasured sigh while he lost control momentarily, getting caught up in the euphoria of it all, but when he felt himself on the verge of growing hard, his conscience finally kicked in and he realized what he was doing. Things were getting too heated and he knew where this was about to go, but he had made a promise to himself, for Paul's sake. He took his leg off of Paul's and his hand off his back and tried to pull away from him and gently push Paul's chest off of his own. 

"Paul, maybe we should slow down." But Paul didn't realize exactly what he meant. He thought he wanted him to keep going but just to slow down a bit, so Paul said okay and stopped moving his hips and just barely pulled his body away but kept gently kissing Richard on the neck. He then slowly ran his hand down the front of Richard's shirt and past his abdomen and just as it started to trail below Richard's belt, Richard grabbed Paul's hand and brought it back up to his side, but Paul still kept his lips against the other man's skin. 

"Paul, should we do this now? Don't you think it's too soon?" 

Paul was still too distracted as he hummed with pleasure and Richard could feel his hot breath on his neck and then his lips vibrated against him as he spoke quietly, "But you smell soooo good."

"Paul stop!" Paul stopped immediately and looked up at him, confused and panting silently. 

"You don't want me?" 

"Yes Paul, I do, but I just don't know if now is the right time. We've both been drinking and I wanna be sure that you're ready whenever it does happen. I don't wanna hurt you or make you do something you'll regret later." 

Paul tilted his head at the other man. "You won't hurt me Reesh. I'm a grown man, and I know what you're thinking. You're not my ex, you're the complete opposite of him." 

"I know, but like I said we've been drinking and I just don't think we should rush things. Let's just wait." Paul let go of Richard and turned onto his back and looked down at his own hands which now laid on top of his stomach and Richard could tell he was hurt.

"I'm sorry Paulchen. I really do want you, I just don't want you to feel pressured into doing this because you think I want to. I can't make any mistakes with you, you're too important to me." 

"I don't feel pressured," Paul said in a low voice, still looking down.

Richard placed his hand on top of Paul's and spoke to him in an even kinder and sweeter tone of voice, "What do you say I stay here a little while longer and we can cuddle and watch TV together and then as soon as I wake up tomorrow morning, I'll call you and see how you feel about things then, after you've had some time to think about it? How's that sound, Paulchen?" 

Paul still looked disappointed but he tried to force a small smile and replied softly, "Okay Reesh. That's sounds good." 

Richard smiled at him but he felt bad for him so he started kissing him on his temple and then his cheek and jaw and at the same time he whispered close to his ear, "I just don't wanna hurt you baby, I care about you so much." 

"Well then stop kissing me like that and whispering in my ear Reesh or I'm not gonna be able to stop myself again," Paul said, frustrated. 

Richard laughed quietly, "Oh, I'm sorry." 

A few moments later, Richard lifted his head to look at Paul and asked, "I didn't ruin your birthday, did I?" 

"No! It was the best birthday ever Reesh.....other than the fact that you won't put out," Paul said with a smile as he looked over Richard. 

Richard laughed and shook his head. Paul then turned towards the TV so Richard laid his back head down and tried to watch TV too with his arm wrapped around the smaller man again, but soon he felt himself relaxing and starting to drift off to sleep. After about twenty minutes had passed, Paul heard heavy breathing and looked back at Richard and could tell he was asleep. He knew the other man hadn't intended on spending the night there but the last thing Paul wanted to do was wake him and have him leave his apartment and his embrace, so he just let him sleep, and not much longer after that he fell asleep along with him.

\------------

A few hours later, Paul woke up and saw that Richard was still there sleeping and it made him smile. He needed to use the bathroom though so he slowly and carefully got off the couch and went to the bathroom but when he came back and laid down again, Richard awoke and looked at Paul confused for a moment and then sat up. He looked at the clock above the entertainment center which was lit by the light of the TV and saw that it said 2:30. He then acted as though he thought he'd done something wrong by still being there. "I'm so sorry Paul, I fell asleep. I didn't mean to. I better be going now, it's late." 

"No Reesh! Don't go! Why do you have to go? Just stay!" Richard looked surprised. 

"You want me to spend the night here? Are you sure?" 

"Yes Reesh! It's already almost morning anyways. Just lay back down and close your eyes and pretend like you never even woke up." 

Richard laughed and said, "Okay but can I at least go to the bathroom first and then I'll pretend when I get back?" Paul laughed and got up to let Richard up and then he laid back down on the couch.

He noticed he was quite uncomfortable trying to relax with his jeans on. For a moment he thought about going to his room and changing into some more comfortable pants but he was used to sleeping in just his boxers and a t-shirt so he decided to just take his jeans off and then he threw them behind the couch. He grabbed a blanket that was draped over the other section of the couch and then laid down again, against the back of the couch this time, and covered himself up with it. 

As he waited for Richard to get back he started thinking of all the sweet things the other man had said before they fell asleep and then he realized something. He was reminded of something Oli once told him when he first realized he was in love with Christoph, right before he left for training for the army. He told Paul, "I know he just left and he's gonna be gone for a long time but I can't help it, I love him, I just do. People always say you can't help who you fall in love with but I say you can't help when you fall in love with them either." Oli's words never rang more true for Paul than they did in this moment. He had only known Richard for five weeks and they'd only been dating for two, so it was probably a little soon but he couldn't help it. He was in love with Richard and there was nothing he could do about it. He knew he would be too afraid to tell the other man though. What if he didn't feel the same way? 

When Richard came back he started to lift the blanket but then Paul stopped him and said, "Wait Reesh! I wasn't comfortable so I took my pants off. I'm just wearing boxers now. Is that gonna bother you?" 

"No, it's not gonna bother me," Richard said as he huffed out a laugh. 

"Do you wanna take yours off and get more comfortable too?" Paul asked, shyly. 

"Only if you won't mind." 

"I won't mind, go right ahead." Paul said with a smirk on his face, to which Richard smiled and raised his eyebrow at him and was unsure if he should. Paul's smirk went away and he looked up at Richard with those sad, hopeful eyes again. Richard wondered how he could refuse this man anything. He gave in and removed his jeans and tossed them by the side of the couch. Paul blushed as he watched him and then he lifted the blanket to let Richard lie down in front of him. 

Richard laid down, facing Paul, and then Paul asked Richard to reach the remote on the coffee table to turn off the TV, so he did and as soon as he turned back around, Paul put his arm around his waist and gave him a peck on the lips and then pulled him closer so that their chests were touching again and then he nuzzled the side of his head into Richard's neck and had a look of bliss as he said, "Gute nacht, Reesh." 

Richard smiled and pulled the blanket over them better and then wrapped his arm around the smaller man's back, his hand resting between his shoulder blades, and then he kissed him on the top of his head again and said, "Gute Nacht Paulchen." At first Richard was worried that them lying against each other like this in their boxers might cause them to become aroused again, but then he concluded that he didn't care anymore, because there was nowhere else he would rather be than here in Paul's home with them tangled up in each other, and he knew Paul felt the same way.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains nothing but smut! It had to happen sooner or later XD

The sun had barely risen on a cold Berlin morning as the faint glow of the sunlight shone through the curtains which lay against the living room windows of Paul's apartment. Richard's eyes slowly began to flutter open and the first thing he laid them on was the man in front of him that he so deeply cared for. He admired Paul's sleeping face for a moment and then he looked around them and noticed that sometime during the night, the blanket that had been on them must've slipped off or had been kicked off of them onto the floor and he could see then that they were still tangled up in each other on the couch just as they had been when they fell back to sleep, their legs entertwined and each one's arm holding on tight to the other's back. Richard sighed a blissful sigh and smiled, feeling very lucky to be lying there with Paul. He briefly let go of him so he could stretch the sleep out of his upper body. When he did this he heard Paul make a noise which sounded like a moan and then saw a smile on his face as he tried to pull Richard's body back up against his own, yet he never opened his eyes or woke up. Richard smiled again, amused by Paul's gesture, and he snuggled up close to him once more. 

He closed his eyes and began to relax again but then he felt something stiff press against his thigh. After a few moments of letting his brain wake up fully, he finally realized what it was and opened his eyes again and smiled at Paul. He slowly and gently managed to pry his own body away from Paul's and got up without waking the other and then sat down at the opposite end of the couch next to Paul's feet. He wasn't sure if it was a good idea to keep his body up against Paul's for fear that he would become aroused also and then wouldn't be able to control himself as well as he was able to last night. He sat there, slumped over on the edge of the couch and turned his head to look at Paul and then began to contemplate what he should do. He couldn't deny that he had strong feelings for him and that he wanted him more than anything. He was attracted to Paul's smile, his eyes, his mannerisms, his laughter. Every move Paul made and every sweet or funny thing he said just drew Richard closer to him. If it was up to him alone he would take that next step with him as soon as possible, but just as he had thought last night, he still felt like the smartest thing to do was to take things slow with him. He thought that would impress Paul, to show him that that wasn't all he wanted from him. And though that may have been true, that he wanted the other man as his boyfriend and not just his lover, it didn't mean that he wasn't fighting the urge to take all of Paul and show him physically just how much he cared for him. But his decision to keep his restraint with him was clouded by thoughts of the way Paul had acted last night. The things Paul was saying and doing made it seem clear that he was ready and willing to give himself to Richard but then again he'd been drinking a little so Richard still wasn't completely sure. He then thought that maybe since it was a new day it would be best to just simply ask and get consent from the other man. If Paul said he wasn't ready then he knew he would respect his wishes and wouldn't pressure him about it anymore. 

Richard then glanced up and noticed something moving behind the curtains and stood to go look behind them. When he did he saw that the first snow of the season was falling and it made him shiver, not because it was cold in the apartment but just from the thought of the snow and dropping temperatures outside. He went and sat back down on the sofa by where Paul's feet were and just as he was about to grab the blanket to cover them up, Paul's body began to stir slightly and he reached his arm out into the air and then patted the couch next to him and realized the other man wasn't there. He opened his eyes and then felt someone against his feet and lifted his head and turned it to see Richard smiling at him. He smiled back and said guten morgen and then laid his head back down and turned onto his back and stretched his arms and legs out as he sighed in contentment. Just then Richard could clearly see Paul's noticable erection and he had to look away and try not to smile too much. Paul then felt what Richard had seen and looked down and noticed it himself. He could also see that Richard was looking straight ahead with a slight smirk on his face and he knew for sure then that the other man had seen it too. 

"Oh shit," Paul said in frustration and Richard looked back towards him to see the flustered look on his face. Paul turned back onto his side and tried to hide it, though he knew there was no point in trying to hide what the other man had already witnessed. Paul buried his face in his arms and said, "I'm sorry Reesh. I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable here." 

"I'm not uncomfortable. It's okay Paulchen, put your arms down," Richard said as he reached to pull Paul's arms away from his face. 

"It's embarrassing! I can't look at you right now." 

"You have nothing to be embarrassed about. It happens to all of us you know. Were you dreaming about something?" Richard asked as he rubbed his hand up and down the lower half of one of Paul's legs. 

"Yes I was dreaming about something Reesh, and to answer your next question, yes I was dreaming about you!" Paul said in a frustrated tone of voice, due to his embarrassment. "You know how you said I should wait and see how I feel about things in the morning? Well there's your answer to that," he said, pointing down at himself. Richard laughed quietly and then Paul sat up and started to lift himself up off the couch when Richard put an arm in front of him to stop him. 

"Where you going?" he asked Paul. 

"To the bathroom. I've got something I need to take care of obviously," Paul replied with a red face. 

"Let me take care of it for you," Richard said and then Paul didn't move from the couch and instead looked over at Richard with slight confusion on his face as he blinked his eyes a few times, not completely sure what the other man had meant, yet he had a pretty good idea. "Do you want me to take care of it? Would you like that?" Richard asked again with a soft and deep tone of voice as he placed one hand on Paul's inner thigh which was closest to him and then began gently squeezing and caressing him there. Paul's could swear his heart had just stopped at that question but when he felt Richard's hand touch him, he felt it begin to beat faster. He was caught off guard by this, yet he loved the feeling of Richard's hand so close to his erection and he had a strong desire for it to move further up. He couldn't speak to answer him as it felt like his stomach was in his throat, preventing any words from coming out of his mouth. All he could do was nod his head eagerly at Richard. He didn't mean to seem so desperate but he couldn't help it. He had just been dreaming that something like this would happen and now it was about to happen literally. The man he was falling in love with was gonna touch him, every part of him. 

Richard grinned at the lust in Paul's sleepy eyes and then put his hand on the smaller man's chest and told him to lay back as he gently eased him onto his back where he had been lying before. He lifted Paul's legs back up onto the couch also. Paul wasn't sure what do with his arms as he was too nervous to think, so he just rested them by his sides on top of the couch. He looked down and watched Richard as he sat by his legs and then slowly began running his hands up toward Paul's inner thighs, squeezing and caressing them again, and then he asked Paul, "Are you cold? Do you need the blanket?" Paul just shook his head and answered without words again. Richard smiled and had to stop himself from laughing at the fact that he'd made the most talkative man he knew, become speechless. He then ran one hand up further and placed it on top of Paul's erection over his boxers and began rubbing it slowly and squeezing it gently as Paul threw his head back and then took a deep breath in and then let it back out quietly but loud enough for Richard to sense the pleasure in that sound. 

"Does that feel good?" he asked him. Paul just nodded his head again and couldn't even look back down at Richard now. "Talk to me Paulchen. You don't have to be afraid to talk when you're with me. How does that feel?" 

"So good," Paul said as he panted quitely. His breathing could barely be heard but Richard could see his chest rising and falling fast underneath his t-shirt. Richard then lifted his hand off of Paul and told him to sit up so he could help him take his shirt off. Paul sat up and Richard stood to lift Paul's shirt up off of him and then he threw it on the floor and gently eased Paul down again. 

"Put your arms above your head and let them hang off the arm of the couch. Relax Paulchen, I'm only gonna make you feel good." Paul did what Richard told him to and then closed his eyes and relaxed. He then felt Richard climb on the couch and he opened his eyes only for a moment to see the other man straddling him below his hips as he sat back on his calves. He started out by running his hands up and down Paul's sides and then he lifted himself up slightly and leant foward to place a kiss on Paul's lips. He placed the fingers of one hand through Paul's hair and gently gripped it as the other hand gripped one of Paul's sides. Richard's lips felt warm and soft against his and Paul parted his lips to let the other man slip his tongue in and devour the inside of his mouth and soon his whole body. 

Richard broke the kiss but continued to massage Paul's head with his fingers in his hair and then started planting kisses all over him, first on his cheek and jaw and behind his ear and then he put Paul's earlobe in his mouth and sucked it gently. He then kissed down his neck, his throat, his collarbone, his chest, then he stopped to suck on each one of Paul's nipples and felt him shudder as he did. Richard let go of his hair and scooted his body back and gripped both of Paul's sides so he could kiss down lower on Paul's abdomen and along each side as his hands then slid back up to Paul's chest and rolled his nipples between his finger and thumb. Paul didn't know how much more of this teasing he could take. It felt like his whole body could explode at any minute. There wasn't one inch of his upper body that hadn't been touched by the other man's lips, other then his arms which rested above his head. 

He felt Richard stop kissing him and remove his hands from where they were and then he started to pull on the waistband of Paul's boxers to try to pull them down. Before Richard went any further, he asked Paul, "Do you want me to keep kissing lower?" in the same deep and dark tone again. 

"Yes. Please." Paul panted and Richard smiled, pleased with Paul's pleading tone. He slowly started to pull Paul's boxers down to reveal his erection and then Richard stood up for a moment so he could remove them completely. At this point Paul still couldn't look directly at him so he kept his head against the couch and his eyes closed.

Richard stradled his lower legs again and then quietly spit in his hand and wrapped it around Paul's erection and began stroking him. Paul tried to breathe in as he felt Richard's hand make contact with him and there was a hitch in his throat as he did. He swallowed hard as he felt Richard's warm and wet hand moving up and down his cock, squeezing it enough to make Paul feel as though his entire body was being engulfed in pure ecstasy. 

Richard then bent foward and stopped his hand at the head of Paul's cock and then ran his tongue up the length of his shaft while gently massaging his balls with the other hand. Paul's breathing sped up a little as the pleasure was just too much, yet he didn't want it to stop. Richard placed one hand at the base of Paul's cock and then started to twirl his tongue in slow circles around the tip of it. As soon as Paul felt his tongue there, he knew what was coming next and he gasped as the other man wrapped his lips around him and let them slide down as he tried to take most of his cock into his mouth and let it hit the back of his throat. Paul gripped his own hair with his hands and had to bite his lip to keep from moaning too loud but Richard could still hear the way Paul quietly whimpered, almost as if he was too afraid to let Richard hear him moan. Richard continued to bob his head up and down and sucked his cheeks in, while moving his hand up and down the lower half of his length, trying to give Paul as much pleasure as he could. Paul took a moment to look down at Richard as the other man's gaze met his. The look between them was so intense that Paul had to look away and back up again. It was too much to handle so he had to close his eyes again. Having Paul look right into his eyes that way caused Richard to become very hard and wet and suddenly he had an unbearable urge to wanna be inside the smaller man, so he slid his mouth off of Paul but kept kissing and mouthing at the tip and down the length of it as he spoke to him. 

"I'd rather make you come while I'm inside of you Paul. Do you wanna feel me inside of you?" Paul opened his eyes and nodded too eagerly again. Richard remembered how Paul told him his ex had told Paul to shut up the first time they were together and said he talked too much and didn't like to hear him speak. Richard wanted Paul to know he could feel safe to be himself around him and wanted to encourage him to speak up and to enjoy all the pleasure he was feeling. "Talk to me Paul, it's okay baby. I like it when you talk to me. Tell me what you want."

"Yes Richard," he answered panting even harder now. "I wanna feel you inside of me. Please Richard." 

Richard was incredibly turned on by Paul's words so he got up off the couch and told him, "Let's go to your bedroom. It'll be more comfortable there," and he helped Paul get to his feet. 

\------------

Paul led Richard by the hand to his bedroom which was only dimly lit by the sunlight shining through the dark curtains. Richard kindly instructed Paul as soon as they entered the room. "Lift the blankets up and lay on your back and rest your hands above your head again and just relax, okay?" and Paul complied once again. 

He laid his head on the soft pillows and had his arms on top of them above his head. He bent his knees and spread his legs a little and put the soles of his feet against the sheets. Richard stood at the bottom of the bed and began removing his clothes as Paul watched. He removed his shirt first to reveal his broad chest and shoulders, the sliver of sunlight between the curtains reflecting off of his smooth skin. He then noticed Paul bite his lip again. 

"Paulchen?" 

"Yes." 

"I wanna hear your voice. Don't hold back. Say everything you wanna say and make every noise you feel like making, okay baby?" 

"Yes Richard," Paul said as Richard removed his boxers to reveal his full erection. He stood there for a moment in silence and simply watched Paul as he lay before him. This beautiful, sweet man that lay there was about to be his completely, every inch of him would be his. Paul felt vunerable as he laid sprawled out on the bed, completely naked, his arms in the air, his legs spread open as Richard stood before him. He stared at the other man, the man he loved, though Richard didn't know that. He admired the shear beauty of him. Not just his beauty outwardly, that was an obvious thing. But he also thought about the strength that Richard held inside of him, his ambition to keep going on with his life after all he had been through, making something of himself, wanting to help others through his artistic talents. This brave, strong man that stood there was about to take Paul's whole being into his hands. He was going to make love to him and hold him and hopefully never let him go. He couldn't believe this was finally happening. He then spoke up and as the words came out of his mouth, even he wasn't expecting them. 

"You're so fucking sexy Richard. Oh god, I want you." He whispered the last part and now it was Richard's turn to feel as though his own body could explode right then and there. He couldn't even smile at what Paul said, all he could do was swallow hard as he was too aroused by his words. 

He moved forward and crawled up from the bottom of the bed and then hovered above Paul on his hands and knees and bent down to kiss him on the lips again. This kiss was faster and more desperate than the last one. Paul arched his body up into Richard's and moaned into the kiss. Richard broke it and then whispered in Paul's ear, "That's it. I wanna hear you moan, don't hold back baby." 

He began kissing Paul all over again and could hear him moan again, but then Paul said, "Stop teasing me Reesh! I told you I want you inside me." 

Richard stopped kissing Paul and had to laugh a little at that. "Yes sir!" he joked with the other man but then he then realized something important and had to ask Paul, "Paulchen? Baby do you have something we can use, so that I don't hurt you?" Paul pointed to the nightstand next to his bed and Richard opened the drawer on it and had to fumble around everything that was in it for a few moments before he could find the lube that he was looking for and also saw some condoms. 

He knelt between Paul's legs and put a condom on first and then he opened the bottle of lube and spread some on two of his fingers and began to prepare Paul. He first rubbed one of his fingers along Paul's entrance and then gently pushed it inside him. Paul hissed briefly as he felt the initial burn of it but then the pain soon turned into pleasure and he began to moan softly. Richard took this a sign to add a second finger and then he tried to open Paul up as much as possible and then started pushing them inside him over and over again. Paul adjusted his body slightly and then he could feel Richard's fingers hit his prostate and he involuntarily let out a loud moan and was noticably embarrassed by it as he turned his face away, towards his arm. Richard repeated it a few more times as Paul moaned quietly into his arm again and started writhing around. He removed his fingers when he was confident that Paul was as prepared as he could be. 

"Look at me Paul," Richard said and Paul looked back at him. "Once I'm inside you, you're gonna be moaning louder than that. Don't be embarrassed. I think you're beautiful when you moan for me." Richard put some lube on his own erection and then wanted to check with Paul one last time. "Are you sure you're ready Paul?" 

"Yes Reesh, keep going, please don't stop," Paul whispered.

Richard lifted Paul's legs up higher towards the smaller man's chest and then started to push the head of his cock inside of Paul. He went slowly and once he was fully inside of him he threw his head back and let out a quiet moan. "Oh god Paul, you feel so good." He lowered his head back down and held onto Paul's hips and asked, "Are you okay for me to move now?" Richard was distracted at how good it felt to enter Paul that he didn't notice Paul's reaction until he looked down at him and asked him that question. Paul was gripping the sides of the pillow into his fist, his eyes were shut tight and his mouth was wide open and his chest heaved up and down. He adjusted his body once more and then he pleaded softly but urgently with Richard.

"Oh god, please move. Fuck me Professor Kruspe. Please fuck me." The words panted out of him hard and a little louder than all his words before. Richard was surprised yet blown away by what Paul said and it took a second for it to register with him but then he became more turned on than ever and wasted no more time with hesitating as he began to move in and out of him, slow at first and then a little faster. He held on tight to Paul's hips as he thrusted into him and also caressed his hips and outer thighs every so often. He bent down over Paul and began kissing his neck and whispered in his ear while continuing his thrusts. 

"You're so sweet Paulchen. You're all mine now, aren't you baby?" 

"Ahhh, yes Reesh! Yes!" Paul answered as he started moaning louder than before. Richard felt amazing inside of Paul and he knew it wouldn't take himself long to come, especially with seeing how turned on Paul was, but he wanted to make sure the other man was satisfied first. 

He then felt Paul put one of his hands in between them and start to stroke himself so he looked up and said, "Put your arm back up, let me do that." Paul complied as Richard reached down and began stroking the smaller man in time with his thrusts. Paul continued to moan from the sensation of Richard's warm hand on his skin at the same time that he was inside of him and he couldn't keep his hands in their place anymore. He wanted to feel Richard and hold Richard while he came.

"I wanna touch you Reesh. Please let me put my hands on you." 

"Yes Paulchen," Richard panted out as he continued thrusting and stroking him. Paul brought his arms down and began rubbing his hands all over Richard's soft skin, along his arms, squeezing his biceps, down his back, and then he grabbed Richard's butt and pulled him closer. 

"Harder Richard, please! Oh God, that feels so good!" 

"That's a good boy," Richard whispered to him as he thrusted harder. "Tell me what you want. I'll do anything for you Paulchen." Those words caused Paul to throw his head back and cry out as he dug his fingers into Richard's back. He went from cursing, to moaning Richard's name, to making noises and words that Richard couldn't make out. He could tell that Paul was getting closer so he stroked him faster until he let out one last cry of ecstasy and spilled out over Richard's hand and both men's abdomen's.

"That's a good boy," he kept telling Paul as he laid kisses upon Paul's cheek and jaw while his orgasm drew to an end. He sat up and looked down into Paul's half lidded eyes staring back up at him and his lips which were parted open as he panted and this look was all he needed to soon send him over the edge. He grabbed both of Paul's hips tightly and started thrusting into him hard again and soon reached his own release as his head tiltled down and he froze for a moment and then spasmed as his orgasm hit and he moaned, "Ahhh, oh Paul, oh god Paul, yes baby, ahhh yes," and he then collapsed down on top of him and Paul wrapped his arms around him and held him. He was breathing very hard into Paul and the smaller man shuddered at Richard's warm breath upon his neck. 

A few minutes later Richard let himself pull out of Paul slowly and he threw the condom into the trashbin close to the bed and then laid beside Paul on his side and though both men were both hot and sweaty now, he still wrapped his arm around Paul's waist and pulled him closer. Paul's eyes were closed and he had a blissful smile on his face. He took a long, deep breath in and out and then simply said, "Oh Reesh," and wasn't capable of saying any more than that. He then reached one of his arms out and grabbed a corner of the blanket which wasn't touching him and brought it up to clean himself and Richard off then he threw it back down away from him. He turned into Richard and wrapped his arm around him and nuzzled his head under his chin and then they were holding each other just as they had been when they fell asleep on the couch.

"I love holding you. I love being here with you," Richard said softly with his eyes closed as he held Paul tight against his chest while the other man looked up and laid kisses upon his throat and neck. Paul hoped he would say 'I love you' next but he knew he was hoping for too much in that moment. Richard may not have spoke those words yet but the way he just made love to him and the way he always treated him told Paul that Richard cared for him just as much as Paul did for the other man. Neither one spoke again before they soon fell into a peaceful and sated sleep in each others arms, warm in the bed and safe from the cold and snow that lay outside. 

\------------

A few hours later, Paul awoke to find that Richard was now on his back and Paul's head lay on the other man's chest, their arms wrapped around each other still. Paul looked up and watched him until the other man awoke and he wondered if Richard had sensed his gaze upon him. Richard looked down at the him and smiled. 

"That was amazing Paulchen, and the best sleep I've ever had in my life." 

"I think we should just stay in bed all day, don't you?" Paul asked him, sweetly. Richard frowned and sighed in an unpleasant way. "You gotta get home and work on your lessons for this week, don't you?" Paul said, sounding disappointed. 

"I can stay a few more hours, but then yeah, I do have to get my lessons in order for tomorrow."

"Or you could just stay here and teach me a lesson or two." Paul said in a sly way towards Richard as he smiled and pressed his partial erection against the other man's leg and then wrapped his hand around Richard's cock and started stroking it to life. Richard closed his eyes while he laughed and moaned at the same time. 

"Okay, I might have time for one lesson," he replied, opening his eyes and looking down at Paul. 

"Yes professor, what do you wanna teach me now?" Paul asked, sounding too innocent as he gazed up into Richard's eyes.

Richard grinned and replied, "Get on your hands and knees and face the headboard and I'll show you." Paul laughed and eagerly complied, quickly getting up on all fours just as he was told. Richard got up and grabbed the bottle of lube and condoms again and then knelt behind Paul. He put his hand on the top of Paul's head and gently started to push it down so instinctively Paul put his elbows and head down on the pillow so that his bottom would arch up higher. 

"That's it," Richard praised him as he ran one hand up and down his back a couple times. He grabbed one side of Paul's ass with one hand and then rubbed the other side and slapped it firmly with his other hand. Paul jumped slightly and then moaned which turned into a laugh. 

Then Paul asked him, "If I'm a good boy, do I get extra credit?" Richard started laughing and could barely concentrate on what he was about to do anymore. 

"Your sense of humor's gonna be the death of me Paulchen. And yes, if you're a good boy I'll give you whatever you want, okay?" 

"Yes Mr. Kruspe," Paul replied and Richard just smiled and shook his head.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paul and Richard enjoy a day of being snowed in together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a little smut in this chapter ;D

As Paul walked to the coffee shop that Monday, his boots crunched through the excessive amount of snow that had fallen the previous day and overnight. It was still coming down lightly and he wondered when it would ever stop. It wasn't too often that Berlin saw this much snow before Christmas but it happened every now and then. On his way there he noticed there were only less than half the amount of people that were usually on the sidewalk and also not as much traffic. He finally reached the cafe after almost slipping and falling a few times and as soon as he sat down he removed his gloves and wet with snowflakes coat and then curled into himself and started rubbing his hands together to try and warm up. 

Oli came over and confirmed that Paul wanted his usual and then said, "Richard probably won't be here today, will he?" 

"Why wouldn't he be?" Paul asked. 

"All the schools in the area are closed today. The roads are pretty bad in case you didn't notice." 

"Oh, I didn't watch the news this morning, I wasn't aware schools were closed," Paul replied. 

"I guess I spoke too soon," Oli said as he looked up to see a snowflake covered Richard coming through the door. Richard removed his coat and gloves and threw them in the seat across from Paul and then sat right next to him and curled into himself also as he pressed up against Paul's arm. 

"Burr, warm me up Paulchen." Paul laughed and put his arm around him and squeezed him closer and rubbed his hand up and down Richard's arm. 

"You want your usual too, Richard?" Oli asked. 

"Yes, bitte." 

As Oli walked away, Paul said, "We didn't think you'd show up since you don't have to work today, lucky!" 

"Yeah, but I knew you'd be here so I braved the snow and cold just so I could see you." 

"Aww," Paul said right before Richard leaned over and gave him a cold kiss on the lips. "Burr!" Paul exclaimed after kissing him back. 

Oli brought their orders and laughed as he walked away at the sight of them snuggled up together in the same seat. "Flake doesn't have to work today either. He called me this morning and said he wasn't feeling well, though I think he just didn't wanna go out in this weather," Paul said as he huffed out a laugh. 

"Maybe you should just keep your store closed today. There probably won't be many customers coming in. There's barely anyone out on the sidewalk," Richard suggested. 

"You know what, you're right. It probably wouldn't be worth opening the store today. Yeah, I'll just keep it closed." 

"Well then, we got the whole day ahead of us and we're free to do whatever we'd like. What do you wanna do?" Richard asked Paul. 

"Go home to my warm and cozy apartment!" Paul said as he crossed his arms and mocked a shiver. 

"Oh okay," Richard replied in a sad tone. 

"Well I want you to come with me too Reesh, duh!" 

"Oh!" Richard laughed. 

"What'd you think, that I'd wanna spend the whole day alone without you?" 

"I don't know, I wasn't sure," Richard said, shrugging his shoulders as Paul laughed at him. "So what are we gonna do all day at your place?" 

"Whatever we want," Paul answered with a smirk and Richard grinned back at him.

\------------

They finished their breakfast and bundled up again and began making their way back to Paul's place. They had a little trouble walking through the thick snow so Richard took Paul's gloved hand into his to help prevent them from falling. Thankfully the snow had stopped coming down so they could see where they were walking more clearly. Richard looked over at Paul and smiled. 

"I had a really nice time with you over the weekend, especially yesterday morning," Richard said and Paul looked over at him with a wide grin, showing his teeth. 

"Yeah, it was a pretty special weekend for me also." 

The two men then passed a park and Paul saw children who wouldn't have to attend school that day, playing in the snow and throwing snowballs at each other. "That looks like fun!" he said as he stopped walking and watched the children. 

"What does?" Richard asked as he hadn't yet noticed the kids in the park. He looked over to see Paul walking towards the park and then saw him bend down and grab a chunk of snow and start packing it into a ball with his hands. It didn't occur to him what he was doing until he saw Paul start to turn around to face him with the snowball in his hand as he started to lift his arm. "You better not Paul!" Richard yelled as Paul flung the snowball at him but fortunately Richard managed to duck behind a bench just in time as the ball of snow landed off to the side of the bench. 

"No fair Reesh! You weren't supposed to take cover. I wanted to have a snowball fight," Paul complained as he bent down to start packing another clump of snow in his hands. Just as he stood up with it and started to turn around again, Richard ran towards him and tackled him to the ground as the snowball flew out of Paul's hand and he fell back against the soft blanket of snow and then Richard straddled his hips and pinned his arms back next to each side of his head and gripped the smaller man's wrists tightly with his hands. Paul's mouth opened wide, surprised at the way Richard took him down just in time and then he laughed and started squirming around, trying to release himself from Richard's grip. 

"There's no way you're gonna get away from me Paulchen. I'm stronger than you and besides I was a wrestler in school. I know special moves," Richard said as he laughed along with Paul. 

"A wrestler?" Paul asked as he stopped trying to fight the other man off for a moment. "That's sexy." 

Richard laughed, "You think everything I say or do is sexy Paul." 

"It is when you're the one I picture doing it." Paul started wiggling around again. "Come on Reesh! Let me up! Let's have a snowball fight, it'll be fun!" He continued squirming and trying hopelessly to break free from Richard and all the other man could do was laugh at him. 

"You're so adorable sometimes Paulchen." 

"Adorable? Am I ever sexy too?" Paul asked, looking up at him with sad eyes and a frown. 

"You're always sexy," Richard replied and Paul smiled and blushed. "What do you say instead of a snowball fight we hurry and get to your place so we can warm each other up," Richard offered, wiggling his eyebrows at Paul. 

"Warm each other up? In what way are we gonna do that?" Paul asked as his eyes grew wide. 

"In every way imaginable," Richard answered with a smirk. 

"Okay, let me up, let me up! I don't wanna throw snowballs at you anymore. I wanna go home!" Richard had to laugh at Paul's sudden excitement and he finally got up and helped the other man up too. They both brushed the snow off of themselves and then continued on along the sidewalk. 

\------------

Paul took Richard's hand this time and smiled as Richard looked over at him, but Richard barely smiled back. He had a more serious and almost nervous expression on his face. He opened his mouth to speak but then closed it and looked away from Paul and then down at his feet as he walked. Paul looked slightly puzzled at that. 

"What is it Richard? Did you wanna say something?" Richard just shook his head and kept looking down. "Okay," Paul said, though he still felt there was something on Richard's mind that he wasn't telling him. They walked in a comfortable silence the rest of the way and then finally reached the apartment. 

As soon as they walked in the door they removed their gloves, coats and boots and left them all by the door. "Burr!" Paul said as he held himself and shivered. "What do you say we get out these clothes and take a nice warm bath?" Paul suggested, only smiling a little, worried about what Richard's answer would be. Richard smiled and nodded and then his smile quickly went away. "Are you okay Reesh? You seem nervous about something, like there's something you wanna get off your chest but can't. You can tell me anything, you know. Just don't keep me wondering what it is, you're making me nervous too." Paul said, laughing slightly. 

Richard moved forward towards Paul and wrapped his arms around him and held him and then nuzzled his face into Paul's neck. "I'm in love with you Paulchen," he admitted quietly against the smaller man's skin. Paul heard him but couldn't believe that's what he really said. He thought maybe he heard him wrong or that Richard didn't really mean those words for whatever reason. 

"What?" he asked him, expecting Richard to take back what he said, but instead the other man didn't falter on his words. He let go of Paul and looked him directly in the eyes.

"I said I love you Paul. I'm in love with you," Richard answered calmly, though Paul could tell he still looked nervous, probably thinking that maybe he wouldn't say it back, so he wanted to end Richard's worried feelings and let him know he did feel the same way but he was still a little shocked at the fact that he wasn't expecting to hear those words from Richard yet, so he stood there frozen in place with his lips parted open while staring at the other man and suddenly he couldn't remember how to speak. Richard saw that Paul was surprised at his confession so he smiled and leant forward to give Paul a brief kiss on the lips to try and pull him out of his dazed state. When Richard backed away, Paul immediately lunged forward and wrapped his arms tightly around Richard and laid his head on his shoulder.

"I love you too Reesh! I'm in love with you too! I realized it the other day but I was too afraid to tell you. I didn't know if you felt the same way." Paul then let go of Richard and backed away and they gazed into each other's eyes. 

"I realized even before that but I was too afraid to tell you and for the same reason," Richard said.

"When did you know you loved me?" Paul asked, smiling. 

"Well I don't know if I can pinpoint the exact moment I knew it was love but I know that night we were at the ice rink and I had the time of my life with you and you made me laugh so hard that it hurt I thought, this is the type of guy I could spend the rest of my life with." 

"Really Reesh?" Paul's eyes lit up as he hugged Richard again. Richard wrapped his arms around him and returned the hug. 

"Now what were you saying about a warm bath?" Richard asked to break the silence. Paul let go of Richard as he smiled and held his hand out for the other man to take. "Come on, I'll show you."

\------------

Paul led Richard to the master bathroom which had a very large garden tub in it. Richard looked down at the tub and said, "It makes sense that the bathroom would have a big tub. What with it being a big bathroom in a big apartment with a big living room, a big couch and a big tree." 

"Have you noticed anything else big in this place?" Paul asked him with a sly smile. 

Richard nodded at him eagerly, "Oh I've noticed!" Paul laughed and then both men moved closer to each other and started kissing passionately, wrapping their arms around each other and pressing and rubbing the front of their bodies against one another. 

Paul broke the kiss to say, "Let me start the water." He pulled away and then bent over the tub to turn the water on. Richard went up behind him, placing his hands on Paul's hips and pressed his growing erection against his butt. Paul laughed and stood up once he made sure the water was at a good temperature. He turned around and faced Richard. "You're so impatient! Let's at least take our clothes off first." 

Richard huffed and backed away and then they both removed their shirts first and then just as Richard started to undo his belt Paul grabbed the other man's hands and moved them away and said, "Wait, let me do that." Richard dropped his arms to his sides and let Paul undo his belt and the button and zipper of his jeans for him. Then Paul just stood there watching Richard as he let his pants fall to the floor and stepped out of them. 

"Well aren't you gonna take yours off too?" Richard asked him. 

"I will but I wanna do something first." Paul then pushed Richard against the closed bathroom door and slid Richard's boxers off of him as he got down on his knees, his head level with Richard's erection. 

"What are you doing?" Richard asked surprised as he looked down at him, though he wasn't complaining.

"I just wanted to show you how much I love you," Paul replied as he placed one hand on Richard's hip and then took Richard's cock into his other hand and and began stroking it and then he leant his head forward and began sucking on the head as Richard looked down at him in shock. He couldn't say anything, all he could do was let out a loud breath. Paul then took almost the whole length of it into his mouth and sucked and swallowed around it as much as he could. To Paul, Richard seemed a little bigger than average so he knew he probably wouldn't be able to take the entire thing in but he still wanted to try. He bobbed his head back and forth for a while as he stroked his hand up and down the base of his cock and then he tried to take the whole thing deep into his throat again. 

Richard, who was had his palms laid flat against the door by his sides holding on for stability as his knees grew weak, looked up and shouted, "Oh fuck!" 

Paul eyes started to water and he felt as though he could gag so he removed his mouth from Richard for a moment so he could take a breath and then said, "We will later, but I wanted to do this first." Paul put his mouth around Richard's cock again and kept bobbing as his tongue ran along Richard's shaft and he sucked his cheeks in. Richard couldn't help but look down at Paul and grip his hair into his hands to guide him, though he made sure not to be too rough with him. Paul looked up into Richard's eyes and kept pleasuring him as he let the other man move his head as much as he needed to. Richard then pressed his own head back against the door and closed his eyes as he started moaning loudly and Paul knew he was getting close so he prepared himself to swallow as much as he could of Richard's release. Richard moved Paul's head faster and then paused and held his head against him as close as he could for a few moments as he cried out Paul's name and then Paul felt the hot, slick liquid slide down his throat and he kept his mouth there until Richard let go of his hair and enjoyed every second of tasting him until then. 

He was finally able to pull his head away from the other man but kept licking him briefly to clean Richard up. He then stood up and licked his lips and smiled at Richard. Richard smiled back at him with half lidded eyes, only for a second though because then he glanced past Paul's head and his eyes opened wider as he said, "The tub's full Paul, it's about to overflow!" Paul then turned around quickly and shut the water off right before it would've tipped over the top of the tub and then he had to pull up the cover over the drain and let some of the water drain back out so it wouldn't spill over when they stepped into it. 

They both laughed at the potential mess they almost made while they were distracted and then Paul finally removed his jeans while Richard got in the tub first and leaned his back against one side of it. Once Paul was completely naked, Richard held out his hand to help Paul step into the tub and said, "It's my turn to show you how much I love you now." Paul grinned excitedly as he got in the tub and sat between Richard's open legs and stretched his own legs out between Richard's and then leaned back against the other man's chest. He laid his head back against one of Richard's shoulders and closed his eyes as the other man wrapped his arm's around Paul's arms and started kissing the smaller man on his neck. Richard then wrapped his hand around Paul's cock under the water and began stroking him. Paul adjusted his body slightly and then moaned quietly into the touch, never opening his eyes. Richard stroked him slow at first but then when Paul started to moan and move around more he began stroking him faster. He also started whispering sweet words into Paul's ear while he watched the pleasured expression on his face. 

"I love you so much baby, you know that? You know how much I love you Paulchen?" 

"Yes Reesh!" Paul panted as he gripped his hands against Richard's legs and arched his back and rose up into his the other man's touch and the pleasure he was feeling grew stronger and stronger until he could barely stand it anymore. He knees bent and then straightened over and over again and he couldn't keep still as Richard kept stroking him faster and the water splashed back and forth loudly with some splashing out and hitting the floor. 

"That's feels good, doesn't it? That's it baby, don't hold back, moan for me. You can let yourself go baby, come on." Paul started moaning Richard's name over and over and let himself spill out into the warm water. Richard kept kissing his neck as Paul rode out his orgasm and then he finally stilled and settled back against Richard's chest again and kept his eyes closed. 

"That felt amazing Richard," he said softly. 

"Good, that was my goal," Richard said as he smiled and wrapped his arms around Paul again. 

"I love the way you talk to me Reesh. You're so good to me." 

"You deserve it baby," Richard told him as he laid kisses on Paul's temple and cheek. They laid there in silence for several minutes and it wasn't long before they were both falling asleep in the warmth of the water and each other's embrace. 

About twenty minutes later, Paul woke up and could feel that the water was beginning to get cold. He tapped Richard on the arm and woke him too and said, "Let's dry off and get in bed. We can watch TV in my room and I'll make some us some lunch in a little bit, how's that sound?" Richard just hummed in agreement with Paul and then they finally got out and dried each other off. 

\------------

They crawled underneath the warmth of the blankets on Paul's bed after Paul grabbed the remote and turned on the TV which was on a stand several feet in front of his bed. They snuggled up together and watched TV for about an hour and then Paul decided to get up and put a robe on so he could go into the kitchen and make them some sandwiches for lunch. He came back with two plates filled with turkey sandwiches and chips. They sat the plates on their laps over the blanket. Once they finished their food, Paul put their plates on the night stand and then they dusted the top of the blanket off and laid back down. Richard then looked over at Paul with lust in his eyes and told him to turn off the TV. Paul knew what the other man had in mind and wasted no time with silencing the room so that they could make love without any distractions. Their bodies joined quickly and their touches were rough and desperate as if they couldn't wait any longer and it wasn't long before they climaxed together as the loud sounds that came from them filled the quiet room. 

After they made love, Paul laid with his head on Richard's chest and his arm around his waist and Richard's arms were around him, holding him lovingly. He heard Richard hum contently and he then decided there was no better time than now to ask Richard something he had been wanting to ask him for a while. 

"Reesh, can I ask you something?" 

"Sure Paulchen, anything." 

"I'm kind of scared to ask you though. I'm afraid you'll say no and I'll be disappointed." 

"The last thing I wanna do is disappoint you Paul. Just ask me and I'll try my best not to if it's possible." 

"Okay," Paul sighed, "I have a surprise to give you on Christmas, but you see I'm not giving it to you because it's Christmas, but just because I love you. I know you didn't want any Christmas presents but it's not a present and it's not even something you have to open. It's just something I want to show you, and it just happens that it's going to arrive on Christmas evening, soooo..... I kind of need you to come over here at around 7pm on Christmas so you can see it." Paul looked up at Richard nervously but Richard said nothing and just smiled and raised an eyebrow at him so Paul looked back down and continued bargaining with him, "You don't have to stay long if you don't want to. You don't have to eat supper with us or watch us open presents or do anything you don't wanna do. I won't even force you to kiss me under the mistletoe. All you have to do is show up for at least a few minutes at 7pm just to see what I wanna show you. That's it, that's all I'm asking." 

Richard then teased him, "Was this your plan all along? You bring me here and pleasure me, give me a bath, feed me and then make love to me all just so you could spring this idea on me afterwards cause you knew I'd be in too good of a mood to say no?" 

"That wasn't my intentions but if that had been my plan, did it work?" Paul asked him. 

Richard laughed and replied, "Okay, I'll come over. How can I say no to a man I love so much?" Paul sat up and looked at him with wide eyes. 

"You mean it Reesh? You'll come over on Christmas?" 

"Yes, it would be rude of me not to after you've went through the trouble of getting me something, but only long enough to see what it is and to thank you."

"Okay Reesh, I understand. Thank you so much! I'm so glad you said yes. You won't regret it, at least I hope you won't." 

"I hope I won't either," Richard said and laughed. Paul laid his head back down on Richard's chest and closed his eyes and thought about how nervous, yet excited he was about his future surprise for Richard. He hoped that the other man would be happy with it and that the little bit of trouble he would have to go through to make it happen would be all be worth it in the end.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little sad, but necessary for the plot and for what will happen in the next chapter.

Now that Paul and Richard had confessed their love for each other, their relationship was becoming more serious and they were growing even closer. Over the next two weeks they spent a lot of time together, with Richard spending the night at Paul's place a few more times and Paul hanging out with Richard in his hotel room a couple times too. Richard even took some of his clothes to Paul's to keep there so he would have them for whenever he stayed with him. They also went out on two more dates; one time they went to a nice restaurant and even dressed up for the occasion and the other time they went to the ice rink again, with Paul managing not to fall even once, but not without Richard having to catch him several times before he would've. They visited each other at work for their lunch breaks some days and still met at the coffee shop each morning, though there were starting to be times when they would have to get around by train, bus or taxi due to the cold temperatures and snow, but neither one minded, whatever it took for them to see one another was worth it to them. They each felt as though they had never been happier, especially with knowing that neither one had ever really been in love the way they were now. 

At this point it seemed as if everything was right in their world and nothing could mess things up, but there was still something in the back of Paul's mind that was bothering him. Though it was obvious to Paul that Richard was happy with him, he still didn't seem very happy in general. He still seemed to get depressed, sad or angry every time Christmas was mentioned and he was also stressed over the fact that he was living in a hotel. Paul had considering asking Richard to move in with him numerous times but he was afraid of what his reaction would be to the offer. He didn't want Richard to think he was being too pushy or trying to move too fast in their relationship. He assumed Richard would probably think it was too soon for them to live together and he didn't wanna scare him away, so like always, Paul said nothing, just like every other time when he would be too afraid to ask Richard something. But he thought that maybe there was something he could do about the whole 'not wanting to celebrate Christmas and wanting to be alone on Christmas' thing because not only did he feel bad for the fact that the other man would be alone but he also wasn't looking forward to spending those days without the man he loved.

He understood the reason why Richard couldn't feel happy at Christmastime, what happened to him all those years ago was terrible, he couldn't even fathom something like that happening to himself, but still more than anything he wanted him to be happy instead of depressed around this time of year. He didn't like seeing him that way. He then decided he might try to convince Richard to spend those two days with him and to not be afraid to celebrate and to make him believe that his parents wouldn't want their son to be miserable. 

\------------

The morning of Christmas Eve they woke up together in Paul's bed with Richard having spent the previous night there. They got up to get ready for the day. Paul planned on opening his store that day so customers could get any last minute gifts they needed to get. He knew that Richard wanted to be left alone for the next two days, other than promising Paul that he would come over briefly on Christmas night for a surprise, but Richard had at least agreed to have breakfast with him that morning before Paul went to work and he went home. As they were getting ready to walk out the door, Richard stopped Paul before he could open it. 

"Paul, wait. Is something bothering you? You've barely said one word to me this morning and you were unusually quiet last night also." 

"I'm fine Reesh," Paul said very solemnly, but he didn't convince Richard. It wasn't often that Paul wasn't his usual cheerful self. 

"I can tell something's wrong. I'm not leaving to go to the cafe with you until you tell me what it is." 

Paul sighed loudly. "Okay, I'll tell you but it's pointless cause I know you won't change your mind. I want us to spend the next two days together. I don't want you to be alone and sad and I'm not gonna have much fun celebrating without you either." Richard sighed and shook his head. "See I told you it was pointless," Paul said.

"Paulchen, baby," Richard said, a little frustrated but trying to be kind and not hurt Paul's feelings, "I've told you a dozen times that I'd prefer to be alone and besides, I don't wanna celebrate and you do, so us spending the day together just won't work." 

Paul looked down with a sad look on his face. "Fine. Let's just go now, I'm hungry," he said, sounding disappointed. 

"I'm sorry Paul. I do love you though," Richard said as they walked out the door, trying to make the other man feel better. 

\------------

As they walked to the cafe, Richard put his arm around Paul's waist and kissed him on the temple and told him he loved him again and then tickled his side and finally got a smile and a laugh out of him as Paul jerked away from him playfully. By the time they sat down at the cafe, Paul seemed to be in better spirits. After Oli brought their food he told Paul that he, Till and Flake were going to the cinema that night to see a Christmas movie and he wanted Paul to go with them. He also told Richard he was welcome to go if he would like but Richard said no thanks, which Oli had already expected. 

"I don't know if I wanna go," Paul told Oli. 

"Why not Paulie? You love Christmas movies, and guess which movie we're seeing? Jingle All The Way, it's got your favorite actor in it." Richard almost spit out his coffee at that and Paul laughed. "What's so funny?" Oli asked, confused. 

"Nothin, it's an inside joke," Paul replied, "It's not that I don't wanna see that movie or that I don't wanna go out with you guys, I just don't know if I would feel right to go out and have fun tonight while Richard will be mopin around his hotel room all alone."

Richard huffed, "I won't be mopin Paul, I'll be fine. Don't worry about me and don't let me spoil your holiday fun." Paul looked up at Richard with a frustrated expression as his face turned red and he blurted out his next sentences a little loudly without thinking about it first. 

"I'm trying not to Richard, but how do expect me to me to be happy when the guy I love is gonna be alone and depressed and how do you expect me to feel about the fact that you don't even wanna be with me today or on Christmas? It's usually my favorite day, but it won't be this year." Paul got embarrassed over his outburst and looked down at his plate and started poking at his food with his fork. 

Richard was surprised at Paul's slight anger and he and Oli looked at each other worried and then Oli quietly told Richard, "I'll leave you two to talk," and then he walked away. 

"Paulchen, look at me. Are you angry with me? I thought you told me a couple weeks ago that you were glad I agreed to come over for a few minutes on Christmas evening and that you understood me wanting to be alone and not wanting to celebrate. Obviously it bothers you though." 

"I do understand Reesh. I know how hard these days are for you but what happened to your parents has nothing to do with celebrating Christmas. It was a tragedy that just happened to occur on this day fifteen years ago but it would've been a tragedy no matter what day it happened on. I don't think it's good for you to keep associating what's supposed to be a happy time of the year with the worst time of your life. It was terrible but that day has nothing to do with now and today and tomorrow. You should be celebrating the fact that you have happiness in your life this year. You have someone who loves you more than anything, and who wants to be with you everyday and especially these next two days. Tell me Reesh, what does that fact have to do with what happened years ago? Nothing!" 

"I'm sorry Paul. I don't wanna hurt you or make you sad or angry but I just can't do what you're asking of me. There's a reason why but it's hard for me to explain." 

"Try to explain it to me. I wanna understand. I wanna know what you're feeling. Can't you see I'm trying to help you? I just want you to be happy," Paul pleaded with him. Richard just looked down and shook his head. "You know what Reesh, I've lost my appetite, I'm going to work now." Paul dropped his fork on his plate and stood up and threw some money on the table while Richard watched him with sad eyes. He stomped out the door and then as soon as he walked out he turned right back around and came in and walked over to Richard and bent down and gave him a kiss on the forehead and said, "I love you Reesh, but you're stubborn as hell." And then he walked back out and didn't return that time. 

Richard propped his elbows up on the table and put his chin in his hand and sat there unmoving, not touching his food and didn't know what to do next. Oli witnessed everything from behind the counter and went over to talk to Richard. He sat down across from him and began speaking. 

"I know all this is none of my business but if you don't mind I'd like to put in my two cents." 

"Sure," Richard said quietly, staring out the window. 

"I know what you went through was horrible and I've never went through anything like that so I don't know what it's like but honestly Richard, you're being kind of selfish." Richard looked over at Oli with his mouth open, obviously not realizing how Oli could think that. "First of all, this day isn't all about you and what happened to you. This is the time of year that has always made the man you love happiest and you're gonna ruin this Christmas for him. Did he ever tell you what was going on in his life last year? He broke up with his boyfriend of three years and then his ex pretty much started stalking him after that and he was going through hell. On Christmas day the rest of us had plans and he told us he had plans of his own. You know what we found out he did that day? He spent the whole day at a homeless shelter, feeding people. He was going through complete hell himself and all he could think about was helping others to be happier that day. And then that night we all went to his place and had a little Christmas party that he put together himself and he did everything he could to make sure we had fun, even with everything he was going through. And now this Christmas rolls around and he's finally happy with his life, he's finally found a good guy to spend the holidays with, but that guy doesn't even wanna be with him on his favorite day. Like he said, how's he supposed to feel about that? And second of all, I'd give anything to be with the man I love tomorrow," Oli said as tears started to well up in his eyes, "You're so lucky Richard, that you can see and speak to the one you love whenever you want and you have the chance to celebrate with him tomorrow. A lot of people won't get that privilege this year you know. You don't even realize how lucky you are." 

Both men sat in an awkward silence for a while and then Richard put his face in his hand. "I feel so stupid. I should be ashamed of myself. You're right Oli, I am being selfish." 

"You're not stupid Richard, we all understand why you would hate this day, and you don't have to feel ashamed. Just go to Paul and apologize to him and if you're smart, you'll tell him you wanna be with him today and tomorrow. Do you really want him to be sad and missing you while everyone else is having a good time? I know that's not what you want. I know you love him." 

"He probably won't even wanna speak to me. I already messed things up." 

"Paul's a very forgiving person, just try to talk to him at least. Go see him at work."

"I don't know Oli, he'll probably throw me out." 

"He will not!" Oli laughed, "Just go!" Richard stood up to leave, even though he hadn't touched his food and handed some of his own money to Oli along with Paul's. 

"Sorry you went through the trouble of making us breakfast but I don't have an appetite anymore either." 

\------------

Richard left and started walking down the sidewalk and even though it was cold he didn't feel it, he was too distracted by feelings of guilt and sadness to pay attention to anything else. He hated that he was hurting Paul but he also didn't know how to change the way he felt about the holidays after feeling a certain way for so many years. He approached Paul's store and got ready to open the door but then changed his mind, too afraid that Paul would turn him away and wouldn't even want to spend Christmas with him anymore even if he would make the offer. He sat down on a bench that was in front of the candy store, trying to decide what to do. He then decided to go somewhere he hadn't went to in years. 

He arrived at the cemetery and found his parents gravestones. He bent down and brushed the snow off the tops of them with his glove and then knelt in silence for a while. Then he started to speak to them and he knew it was silly but he didn't care, there were things he needed to talk to them about and he hoped that maybe they would give him some kind of sign that they were listening. One thing he told them was that he was sorry for losing track of his brother and sister and wished that he could know they were happy and okay. After sitting there in the cold for thirty minutes and feeling like he was talking to himself and not noticing any obvious signs, he finally went back to the hotel and tried to keep himself busy with a sketch that he was working on. 

\-------------

That evening, a while after Paul got home from work, he made himself some supper and ate and then plopped down on the couch to watch TV. He remembered that the other guys should be arriving at the cinema around this time and would probably be disappointed that he didn't show up but all he could focus on were thoughts of Richard and what he was doing right now in his hotel room all alone with nothing but his memories. He also felt just as guilty as Richard did. He thought the things he said to him were a little cruel and that he should've been more understanding of Richard's feelings. He figured Richard probably didn't wanna see him just as much as the other man was thinking that of Paul. 

Then he heard the phone ring. He assumed it was probably one of the guys calling to check once more if he was gonna go to the movies but when he picked it up and said hello, he was surprised to hear Richard's voice at the other end. He didn't sound normal though. He spoke softly and his voice sounded as though it was breaking up, almost as if he was crying. 

"Paul, I'm so sorry for everything. Can you come to the hotel? I don't wanna be alone right now. Please." 

"I'll be there right away Reesh," Paul told him and then he quickly hung up the phone and put his boots and coat on as fast as he could and hailed a taxi as soon as he walked out his door. There would be time for apologies and explanations later but all that mattered now was that he got to Richard as soon as possible. The other man didn't sound too good. 

\------------

He arrived at the hotel and knocked on Richard's door and as soon as Richard opened it he started sobbing and apologizing to Paul. Paul was a little shocked to see Richard this upset, he usually didn't show much emotion except for the time he heard that certain Christmas song and it made him a little sad, but nothing like this. Paul immediately stepped inside, shut the door behind him and then wrapped his arms around Richard and held him.

"It's okay Reesh, I forgive you! Don't feel bad anymore. I'm sorry for everything I said too. I should've been kinder and more understanding." 

"How can you understand when I won't even explain things to you. It's my fault Paul. I wanna try to explain it to you now, how I'm feeling, why these days are so hard for me." 

"Okay Reesh, I'm more than willing to listen. Let's sit down on the couch and we can talk." They sat down and Richard stared down at the coffee table while he spoke, after wiping his tears away. Paul sat close to him with his arm around him and was ready to listen. 

"I feel guilty for being happy," Richard said and Paul looked at him confused, "My parents don't get to be here and be happy anymore, so why should I get to? It's not fair." Paul pulled Richard closer and looked in his eyes. 

"Reesh, do you seriously think that you shouldn't be aloud to be happy, because of something that happened that wasn't your fault?" 

"Is was my fault though. They were buying presents for me, that's why they were out that night. Because I was a selfish, greedy, spoiled brat that just had to get what I wanted for Christmas. And they had to give me everything I wanted. They were such good parents Paul. I didn't deserve them. Maybe that's why they were taken away from me. And I don't deserve you either. You always think of others and I only think of myself." Paul sat there shaking his head the whole time in disbelief of Richard's words. 

"It wasn't in any way your fault! Every kid's parents drive to the store to shop for their presents. You didn't cause the accident. And how could you say you don't deserve me? You treat me so good, better than I even knew was possible. You've made me so happy when I never thought I would be again and you deserve to be happy too. Do you think your parents would want you to be miserable? That they'd want you to be alone at this time of year? No Reesh, you're wrong. They would want nothing more than for you to be happy. You know that's true, don't you?" Richard started tearing up again and buried his head in Paul's chest. 

"I know you're right," he mumbled into Paul's jacket, "but I don't remember how to be happy and how to celebrate. Show me Paul, help me. Will you stay here with me tonight?" 

"Of course Reesh. I'll stay here with you and I'll help you too. I'll do whatever it takes to make you feel good again. I know how much you miss them but you've still got me you know, you don't have to be alone." Richard looked up at Paul and gave him an appreciative smile and then Paul held him once more. He knew that it was his turn to be the strong one and to be there for the other man and comfort him. Richard needed him more than anything right now and Paul wasn't gonna let him down. 

They got undressed and laid in Richard's bed together underneath the covers, and at first they did nothing more than kiss and cuddle, until Richard whispered to Paul, "Make love to me Paulchen. Please make me feel better." 

Paul smiled and nodded at him. He sat up and lifted the blankets down and got on top of Richard and started kissing him all over. In between kisses Paul kept repeating to Richard how much he loved him and that he would never leave him. He then made love to him slowly and gently and moaned more words of love to him during their shared release and then afterwards he held Richard in his arms and kept kissing and caressing him until the other man fell asleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's finally Christmas in this story!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's something that maybe I should've clarified sooner though it may not be necessary to say, but Paul's apartment in this story is on the first floor. I just thought that made some parts of the story work better.

Paul woke up in Richard's hotel room on Christmas morning. He opened his eyes to see Richard propped up on one elbow and staring down at him. He'd been watching him sleep. 

"What?" Paul asked, smiling. 

"Nothing. I just love you so much," Richard replied, smiling back at him. 

"I love you too, and you look like you're feeling better today," Paul said to him and Richard just nodded his head. Neither one wanted to leave the comfort and warmth of the bed and each other's embrace, but eventually they managed to crawl out of bed and get ready for the day. 

"You have to go home to get ready for the dinner at Christoph's parents house this afternoon, don't you?" Richard asked Paul. 

"Yeah. I won't pressure you or anything but just so you know you're welcome to go with me and Oli if you want to." 

"You know I probably would, but to be honest with you there's something important I have to do before I come to your place tonight." 

"Okay, I understand. So you're still gonna be there at seven tonight then?" 

"Oh course Paul, I promised you I would be. I won't break my promise." 

Paul smiled gratefully. "Alright, well I better be going now. I can't wait to see you tonight." 

"Me too. See ya later Paulchen," Richard gave Paul a hug and a kiss goodbye and right as Paul was walking out the door, Richard said, "Merry Christmas Paul. I hope you have a nice time today." 

"Thanks Reesh," Paul said as he turned around to smile at Richard one last time before he shut the door and left. Richard understood why Paul didn't say Merry Christmas back to him. No one that knew him personally had told him that in years because they knew he wouldn't wanna hear it, but there was a small part of him deep down inside that kind of wished that Paul would've said it back.

\------------

Paul and Oli's Christmas dinner at Christoph's parents went great and the rest of the day passed by quickly with Paul getting his apartment ready for the small party that evening and then Oli came over to help Paul cook dinner. Soon Till and Flake arrived just as the all the food was ready to eat. As soon as they sat at the table in Paul's dining room right next to the kitchen and got ready to dig in, there was a knock at the door. Paul looked up the clock and saw that it was only 5:30. He looked around the table at everyone, puzzled. 

"I wasn't expecting anyone this early." He got up and went to answer the door and opened it to see a taxi pulling away and saw Richard standing there on his porch, looking slightly nervous. "Reesh! You're early." 

"I know, I hope I'm not messing up your plans or anything but I wanted to get here early so I'd have time to give you your presents before my surprise gets here." Richard then stepped to the side and Paul could see two large gift wrapped presents standing behind Richard. 

"Seriously Reesh? You didn't have to get me anything," Paul said, looking surprised yet happy. 

"I know but I wanted to. Plus I couldn't wait any longer to come over and see you." Paul smiled and blushed and then told Richard to come in and helped him carry the presents in. He noticed one was a little heavier than the other as they laid them by the tree in the living room. 

"Just let me tell the guys you're here and then I'll come back in here and open these," Paul told him. Richard looked towards the dining room and could see the other guys sitting around the table. 

"Oh I'm sorry, I wasn't even thinking that you guys would be eating now. I didn't mean to interrupt." 

"That's fine, you're not. Take your coat off if you want and I'll just go tell them really quick and then I'll be right back." 

"Wait Paul," Richard said as he hung his coat up. "Would you mind if joined you guys for dinner?" he asked, shyly. 

"Of course I wouldn't mind. We'd love to have you join us! Come on, follow me." Paul was overjoyed at the fact that it seemed Richard had changed his mind and decided to join in on the celebration of Christmas after all. 

They entered the kitchen and Paul told the others, "Look who decided to show up early. He wants to eat with us and he also brought me two gifts!" The other three guys looked surprised but glad to see Richard as they all greeted him. As he and Paul took their seats next to each other, Richard noticed the estatic expression upon Paul's face as he bragged to the others about Richard bringing him gifts and looked as though he was a kid who had just received his favorite toy for Christmas. 

While they ate their dinner, they began talking and laughing as the conversation between all of them flowed easily. It felt as if Richard had always been a part of their shared friendship for all the years the others had known each other and they ended up getting along with him very well. Richard even commented to Paul about how delicious the food was and then Paul pointed to Oli and told Richard he was the one responsible for it and said Oli was the real cook of the group. They eventually finished their meal and cleaned the kitchen and dishes up quickly and then went into the living room to begin opening their gifts.

Paul sat on the floor in front of the presents while the others took a seat on the couch and he told them they would have to be patient as he wanted to open his gifts from Richard first, to which the others just laughed and agreed. He went for the heaviest one first and after he ripped the paper off he discovered it was a guitar case and his mouth dropped open. 

"Reesh you didn't!" he exclaimed excitedly as he looked up at Richard in shock. 

"Well open the case!" Richard told him. Paul opened it and gasped loudly when he saw a black Gibson Les Paul electric guitar. It was simple in a plain black color and didn't have many extras on it but it was exactly his style and he thought it was the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on, other than Richard of course. 

"It's so amazing Reesh! I can't believe you got this for me, it must of been expensive. It's the nicest guitar I've ever seen." 

"You were worth it Paulchen," Richard said, grinning at how much Paul seemed to like his gift. Paul couldn't stop staring at the guitar in awe and running his hands along it gently as though it was a precious treasure he had to be careful with, while the other guys commented on how cool it was. 

"Aren't you gonna open your other gift?" Flake asked him. 

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot there was another one," Paul replied and then he began opening the second one. It was revealed to be a large piece of canvas with Paul's face sketched on it. 

"Holy shit Reesh! That looks exactly like me. But wait, I wasn't smiling that much in the photo I gave you, in fact I was barely smiling at all in it." 

"I know, but I think you look best when you smile so I drew it from memory. Do you like it?" 

"I love it Reesh! Thanks, for everything," Paul replied as he walked over and sat next to Richard on the couch and began kissing him. 

Flake stood up and walked over to tree and said, "Okay, well while you guys are making out, we're gonna open the rest of our gifts." Soon all the gifts were opened and they sat around giving each other thanks and discussing what they got. Some of the presents consisted of a grey fur fox hat that Oli got for Paul, Flake gave Till some new journals, Till framed a poem that he wrote for Flake, and Paul, Till and Flake all pitched in and paid for a getaway at a cabin outside of the city for Oli and Christoph for whenever Chris came back home. 

As they sat on the couch talking, there was a knock at the door. Paul looked up and saw that the clock said seven and then Richard noticed everyone look over at him anxiously. 

"What?" he asked them suspiciously as Paul went to answer the door. He opened it and in walked a young man and woman and then another young man and woman, all looking to be in their early to mid twenties and there were also two little girls with them who couldn't have been any older than three or four. Once they entered the living room, the new people who had just came in along with the rest of the guys in the room all stared at Richard. 

"Is this family of yours Paul?" Richard asked as he stood to shake the hands of Paul's new guests. 

There was a brief awkward silence in the room for a few moments until Paul replied, "It's family of yours Reesh." Richard furrowed his brows at Paul and then looked back towards the new guests, confused. 

One of the women approached Richard and threw her arms around him and began crying and said, "It's me Richard, your little sister." Richard had a look of complete shock on his face and he was frozen where he stood but still he wrapped his arms around the woman. 

One of the men came over and wrapped his arms around the both of them and said, "Do you remember me Richard, your brother?" Richard immediately broke down and started crying when it finally hit him who these people were. 

After he and his siblings had finally calmed down, the other man and woman came over to shake Richard's hand and introduced themselves as the spouses of his brother and sister and then the little girls asked Richard if he was their uncle and he bent down to hug them.

"Yes I am," he said as he embraced them. 

Paul watched and couldn't help but cry a little also, seeing how happy and relieved Richard looked now that he knew his family was okay and that they were there to see him. Flake looked over at Till and thought he saw tears in his eyes. 

"Are you crying Till?" Flake asked him. 

"No!" Till replied, embarrassed, "The air in here is really dry. It's making my eyes water." Flake just laughed at him.

Richard looked over at Paul as Paul told him, "Merry Christmas Reesh." Richard then walked over to him and hugged him tightly and didn't wanna let him go. 

"You're unbelievable Paulchen. I love you more than anything in the world." Richard asked him how he did it and Paul explained how he had gotten a phone number from Oli for an old friend of Christoph's named David who had became a private investigator a few years ago, and David helped Paul to locate Richard's family and get in contact with them.

Right after Paul had just finished telling everyone to take a seat, there was another knock at the door. Everyone looked up at Paul curiously but he looked just as curious and told them he wasn't expecting anyone else. He answered the door once more and everyone in the room heard him gasp. 

"Schneider!" he said rather loudly. Oli looked towards the door in shock and stood up and then felt dizzy and had to grab the arm the couch for a moment. Paul and Christoph entered the room and Christoph went to Oli and grabbed him in a tight embrace as everyone else watched in disbelief. 

"Why didn't you tell me you'd be here today?" Oli asked him, trying not to cry. 

"I wanted to surprise you. I was supposed to arrive this afternoon but we had a few delays on the way here so I just got back. I haven't even seen my family yet, I had to see you first," Christoph told him. Flake then looked over at Till again and saw a tear run down his cheek. 

"Wow, the air must be really dry in here now," Flake told him. 

"Shut the fuck up Flake," Till said, which made Flake laugh even more that time. 

Soon Christoph's other friends went over to hug him and told him how much they missed him. After a while, everyone finally settled down and began to enjoy the rest of the evening together as they sat in the living room talking, laughing, drinking wine and beer and getting to know Richard's family better and were also interested to find out what Christoph's time away was like. 

After a couple of hours everyone slowly started to leave Paul's place. Richard's family left first saying that they had to get the kids to bed but they told him they planned on staying in Berlin for two weeks and that they wanted to spend a lot more time with Richard before they went back home, which he happily agreed to. Then Chris and Oli left saying they had to get to Christoph's parents house before it got too late. Till and Flake left last which left Paul and Richard alone. 

"So I suppose you'll probably be leaving soon. I know you probably don't wanna spend the night here on Christmas with all the decorations around and everything," Paul said to Richard. 

"Actually I'd love to stay here tonight, that is if you want me to." 

"Well of course I want you to, I just didn't think you'd want to with it being Christmas and all." 

"Don't you get it Paul?" Richard said as he faced Paul and took the other man's hands into his, "You've changed me. I'm not that same depressed person I was when you met me. I don't hate Christmas anymore. From now on I'm gonna remember Christmas as the day I was reunited with my siblings. I've wished for this to happen for the last fifteen years and now it finally has and I'm not afraid to be happy anymore and this is all because of you Paulchen. I can't even begin to tell you how grateful I am to you right now." Paul grinned from ear to ear as Richard spoke and he was glad to see that the other man was finally allowing himself to feel happy. 

Paul leaned forward and kissed Richard gently on the lips and then whispered in his ear, "If you can't tell me, then show me." He pulled away and then laughed when he saw the smirk on Richard's face. 

"Okay, let's go to bed then," Richard said with a lust filled grin on his face, and then they both couldn't get to Paul's room fast enough. Richard made love to Paul several times that night and wanted to make sure he took the time to show him just how much he appreciated everything the other man had done for him since he came into his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter after this : )


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A nice, long chapter to finish this story with!

The morning after Christmas, Richard's eyes fluttered open slightly to see and feel Paul on top of him, slowly grinding against him. He smiled up at Paul as he barely opened his eyes. 

"Someone's eager this morning," Richard said, smiling as the other man just glared down at him with a dark and lustful look in eyes.

"Mmm hmm," Paul responded softly as he titled his head up and closed his eyes, holding on to Richard's sides. Suddenly Richard grabbed Paul by the hips and lifted Paul and himself up and flipped them over so that he was now straddling the other man. Paul gasped as Richard did it and then he looked up at him with wide eyes and a smile once his back hit the bed. 

"Was that one of your wrestling moves?" 

Richard laughed, "Yeah, did you like it?"

Paul nodded his head eagerly. "You know what I'd like even better though?" 

"What's that?" Richard asked, curiously. 

"If you'd join me in the shower," Paul replied with the dirtiest type of grin on his face. Richard raised his eyebrows and didn't waste one more second before he jumped off of Paul and the bed and then pulled the other up along with him. 

They raced to the bathroom and Paul made it into the shower first, turning the water on and setting it to a warm but comfortable temperature. Richard stopped to grab the lube on the way and then stepped into the shower after him, setting the bottle on the side of the tub. 

As soon as Paul turned away from the water, Richard grabbed his hips and walked him over to the side opposite of the showerhead and pushed his back against the wall. He pinned his hands above his head and began kissing and sucking him all over his neck, throat and shoulders, even biting him a few times. Paul closed his eyes and shuddered at the sensation of Richard's wet lips and teeth on his flesh but didn't resist him one bit. In fact he arched his body forward and tried to grind up against Richard again. Richard then let go of him and backed away. Just as Paul was getting ready to pout and protest, Richard told him to turn around. Paul smiled, excited and quickly turned around. 

"Bend over and hold on to the wall," Richard ordered him in a deep and serious tone of voice, but Paul didn't have much choice other than to comply as Richard pushed his back down and nudged him closer to the wall with his erection pushing against Paul's butt. Paul was bent over halfway and rested his palms and the side of his head against the shower wall. 

Richard backed up a little and reached down to grab the lube and began preparing Paul as the hot, steaming water poured down Richard's broad shoulders. Once Paul started moaning and pushing himself back against Richard's fingers, Richard could clearly tell he was ready so he withdrew his fingers and coated his erection generously and then slowly began pushing himself inside of Paul. He groaned as he slid into him and once he was completely in he gave Paul a moment to adjust himself and get comfortable. 

"Are you ready baby?" 

"Yes Richard, please!" Richard gripped the other man's hips tightly and started thrusting into him, slow at first and then built up a steady rhythm and went a little faster when he heard Paul begin to moan again. He grabbed and squeezed Paul's ass cheeks as he looked down and watched himself slide in and out of the smaller man, biting his lip and digging his nails into Paul. He thrusted into him harder and then the both of them began moaning louder. 

"Yes Richard, harder! That feels so good!" Paul cried out as he felt the other man hitting that special spot deep inside of him. 

"I know baby, I know," Richard replied sweetly. 

"Oh god Professor Kruspe, I need to come. I wanna feel you come inside me." Richard smiled wide at what Paul called him and decided to join in on his little game. 

"You're teacher's pet, aren't you? Teacher's favorite little pet." 

"Please!" Paul begged. 

"Touch yourself for me Paulchen." Paul immediately removed one hand from the wall and wrapped it around his hard cock and began stroking himself faster and faster. The side of his face was pressed up against the wall as Richard kept pounding into him. 

"That's it baby, such a good student," Richard praised him while looking down at him. 

"Fill me up professor," Paul panted hard and those words were all it took to send Richard over the edge as he threw his head back and cried out Paul's name over and over along with some curses as he came hard inside the smaller man. At the same time, he could hear Paul's cries become so loud they almost drowned out the sound of the water that had been rushing against Richard's back the whole time as Paul spilled out over his own hand and his cum hit the wall and floor of the shower. 

Richard bent over and collapsed against Paul's back for a few moments until his groggy mind finally cleared a little and he realized he was putting too much weight on the other man. He stood up straight and let himself slide out of Paul and then Paul stood up and turned around, falling into Richard's arms and against his chest, sighing loudly in relief. 

"I hope I wasn't too rough with you baby," Richard said as he held Paul, letting the water flow down along both of them. Paul shook his head against Richard's shoulder. 

"It was just the way I like it," he said quietly and then kissed the other man's shoulder and neck, lovingly. 

Soon they began to wash each other. Richard turned away from Paul so the smaller man could gently rub soapy circles along his back. Paul smiled as he loved watching the way Richard muscles flexed beneath his skin. Richard dropped his head and hummed contently as he was soothed by Paul's touch against his smooth skin. Paul backed up and looked the other man's wet and naked body up and down. 

"So fucking sexy," he said as he watched Richard. 

\------------

Eventually they finished showering and got dressed and then sat in the kitchen at the small breakfast table, eating a meal consisting of toast, sausage, eggs, cheese and coffee that both helped to make. Paul took a bite of his toast as he sat across from Richard and looked up at the man just as he noticed him smile and pipe up in his seat. 

"What is it?" Paul mumbled with a mouth full of food. 

"I just remembered something I was gonna tell you the other day but with everything going on the last few days, I forgot," Richard answered cheerfully. Paul kept watching him curiously, waiting for the seemingly good news that Richard had to tell him. 

"I looked at an apartment last Saturday, not too far from here and it was really nice. The landlord said if I'm interested I can move in next week!" Paul swallowed his food and then frowned at Richard. "What?" Richard asked, confused, "Aren't you happy for me? It's not far from here, I'll still come over just as often. Don't you want me to get out of that hotel?" 

"Of course Reesh. And if moving into that place is what you want then I'm happy for you," Paul told him, sounding disappointed. 

"Then why do look and sound so sad?" Richard asked. 

"I don't know," Paul shrugged, "cause you kind of ruined my plans." 

"What plans?" Richard asked, looking puzzled. 

"I was gonna ask you to move in with me," Paul replied, having to look down in embarrassment after he said it. 

"Oh Paulchen," Richard sighed and tilted his head at the other man and then took Paul's hand into his over the table. "You're so sweet. It doesn't surprise me that you'd offer to help me out by letting me stay with you. You've got such a big heart. But you won't have to help me now cause I've found a place." Paul looked at Richard with such disbelief at how much the other man was misunderstanding him.

"Reesh, you idiot!" Richard pushed his head back and glared at Paul with a look of complete confusion. "I'm not asking you to stay with me temporarily so I can 'help you out' as you put it. And this has nothing to do with the size of my heart. I want you move in with me permanently, and not to help you but because I love you and were partners and I want us to live together. Haven't you ever thought about living with me?" 

Richard huffed and smiled, "I didn't realize that's what you meant Paul. I would love to live with you and yes I think about it all the time, but I don't wanna invade your space or be like a burden to you or anything by being here all the time." 

Paul laughed, "Reesh! This place is huge, we'll both have plenty of space and how would you be a burden? You work and make your own money. It would be a gift and a pleasure to have you here, not a burden. I wanna come home to you everyday after work, and go to bed with you every night and fall asleep in your arms, and wake up next to you every morning and look into those gorgeous, sleepy blue eyes after they open. Don't you want that?" 

Richard blushed and smiled, "I so want that Paul! I would love that! But are you sure? You really want me here for good?" 

"Yes Richard! I've never been more sure of anything in my life! Don't take that other apartment, please." Richard laughed nervously at how excited he felt at the thought of living with the man he loved everyday for the rest of his life. 

"Okay! Yes! I'll move in with you. How soon do you want me to move in though?" Paul got up from his seat and went over to Richard and wrapped his arms around him happily and squeezed him. 

"As soon as you want. Today even!" He pulled back and started pressing his lips hard all over Richard's face on his lips, his nose, his cheeks, jaw and forehead. Richard couldn't stop laughing at Paul's reaction. 

"So I take it you're glad I said yes?" Paul laughed and then went back and sat in his chair.

As they continued eating, Richard asked, "So are we gonna do anything special for New Years Eve?" 

"Yes, actually. The club that Till works at is having a new year's eve party and he wants us all to be there, that is if you wanna go." 

"Sure, I'd love to go! That should be fun." Richard looked back down at his plate and kept eating as he slightly wiggled back in forth in his seat, almost as if he was dancing to some sort of imaginary music. Paul watched him with a smile as Richard looked up at him and laughed. "What?" he asked Paul with bright eyes and a grin that showed his teeth. Paul stared at him for a few moments and couldn't remember a time when he had ever seen Richard look this happy and almost giddy. He thought about the first time they ever saw each other in Oli's coffee shop and how when Richard saw Paul's big and bright smile for the first time, the other man smiled back at him with a big, unguarded glowing grin that showed his teeth, just as he was doing now. 

"You're really happy now, aren't you?" Paul asked. 

"Never been happier!" he answered as he took another bite of his food and then they both looked at each other and started giggling happily. At what? They didn't know, just at everything maybe, at the joy that filled their hearts in this moment as they thought of all that had happened since they met and all that was still to come in their future.

\------------

Richard was completely moved into Paul's place by the end of the week, given that he didn't have much to move. He also got to spend some time with his family that week, showing them around the city a few times, and once taking Paul along with them. 

New year's eve was finally here and Paul and Richard arrived at the club looking sharp, with both men dressed nicely in mostly black. When they entered they saw that the others were already there and they joined them at one of the several bars in the place. Till was bartending but his boss didn't mind if he conversed with the others and gave them a special deal on drinks, as Till had been a loyal employee there for quite some time. They all greeted each other and then sat at the bar together talking, drinking and laughing. 

After Richard got a few drinks in him and loosened up, Paul finally managed to convince him to get out on the dance floor. But once they got out there and heard the loud, pounding club/rave type music playing, Richard couldn't dance because he was laughing too much at Paul's dance moves, which was pretty much just him flailing his arms and fists in the air as he bounced up and down. 

Paul eventually tired himself out and needed to take a break so they decided to sit at one of the booths against the wall. Paul sat closest to the wall and Richard sat beside him in the same seat. Paul looked around the place past Richard and then suddenly he gasped and lowered himself in his seat and tried to hide behind the other man.

"What are you doing? What is it?" Richard asked him as he looked around and tried to spot whatever or whoever made Paul react this way.

"That's my ex over there!" Paul whispered loudly, "That tall guy at the bar over there with the ponytail and the black shirt." Richard looked over at the man who's side was facing them as he stood at one of the bars, sipping on a drink. 

"Why would he come to the club where Till works?" Richard asked.

"Well I'm sure he didn't know Till worked here or he wouldn't have came here. And I'm sure he didn't know I'd be here. Don't stare at him too long Reesh, I don't want him to notice me. Shit! I think he just saw me!" Paul ducked down lower and tried to use Richard's body to block himself from the man's view after he had seen his ex look towards them. Richard looked down at Paul. 

"So! Why does it matter if he sees you? Do you not want him to see you with me?" 

"No Reesh, it's not that. I just don't want him to see me. He's weird, he kind of creeps me out, just thinking of everything he put me through last year." Richard smiled kindly and then lifted Paul's chin with his hand and looked into his eyes. 

"It's okay baby, you don't have to worry. I won't let anything happen to you." He bent down a little to reach Paul lips and gave him the most gentle, loving and passionate kiss and kept it going for a long time until Paul was moaning quietly into the kiss. Paul then forgot about everything that was happening as his mind went blank and he felt as though he and Richard were the only two in the room and nothing else existed in the world now, other than them and the other man's lips on his and his tongue in his mouth. Richard finally broke the kiss and stared at Paul as the smaller man leaned his head back against the seat and smiled in content at Richard.

Their intimate moment ended when Schneider came over to tell them it was almost midnight and that they were gonna start counting down soon. They joined the others at the bar again as they all stood around waiting for it to reach midnight. Till came out from behind the bar and joined them also. Then everyone in the club began counting down from twenty as they watched a TV on the wall which was showing the new year's eve ball drop in Berlin. 

Instead of counting along with everyone else, Richard looked over at Paul and watched his face which was gleaming with a big smile as he stared out into the crowd of people while he counted. He couldn't take his eyes off this beautiful man that he loved more than he ever thought it was possible to love a person. He wished that he could just take Paul out of the club and take him home, away from everyone and prove to him how much he loved him, but instead he stood in front of Paul and grabbed him by the hips and pulled him close, causing Paul to stop counting at ten as he saw Richard lean into him. 

"Hey! It's not time yet, we haven't got to one." 

"I don't care," Richard said and then he kissed Paul desperately as Paul wrapped his arms around the other man's neck and returned the kiss. 

Once everyone yelled 'Happy New Year!' Christoph began kissing Oli passionately also but Till and Flake only gave each other a quick peck on the lips. A few moments later Till and Flake looked over and saw that the other four were still kissing. 

"Get a room!" Flake shouted to them and then they stopped kissing and everyone laughed. 

"Oh Flake, you're just jealous that I didn't kiss you that way," Till said. 

"No I'm not!" Flake replied as his face turned red. Till then grabbed Flake and bent him back and gave him a long and hard kiss on the lips as everyone watched. Flake finally managed to push him away and stood back up. He huffed and stepped away from Till and straightened his jacket and tie, pretending to be angry, but he really wasn't. 

"Not in public Lindemann! Not in public!" Everyone laughed out loud at Flake and then continued to enjoy the party, long into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's it for my first fanfic! I hope you all enjoyed it and thank you for taking the time to read it. I appreciate all the views, comments and kudos and it's motivated me to keep writing. I have so many ideas for more stories and I'm not sure which one I'm gonna start next but I will be starting another one soon and I hope you guys will enjoy the next one too. Happy holidays to everyone :)


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